


let's play pretend!

by wegotjamsdude



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Character Development, Cliche, Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, SCREAM FOR NOREN, Swearing, Tags May Change, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, but its fluff of course, everyone is in the same age to make it easier for me, i might add new characters if i could, it gets a little sad tho, jisung is not here but for some reason I SWEAR I LOVE HIM, like super cliche hs au, swearing bcos theyre teenagers, theres also nohyuck, theres renmin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 00:46:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14759412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wegotjamsdude/pseuds/wegotjamsdude
Summary: Jeno has a dilemma, and Renjun gets dragged toforcefullyhelp him.





	1. let's talk about love, let me talk about love

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i deleted the chapters (for those who had been reading from the start) i recognized a lot of plot holes and foreshadowing lol and i edited it by A LOT but the plot's still the same, and the characters and everything. i hope that this is better ;-;  
> so from now on ill be uploading edited chapters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the bitch is back ;)

Lee Jeno thinks that this will be his one shot at life. The result might not be pleasing, he’s ninety-five percent sure at that, but still his only shot anyway.

“Hyuck,” he says, voice barely a whisper, hands clammy and with a croaking voice that doesn’t sound like him at all. Thankfully, Donghyuck seems to hear that and despite the weird look he gives, Jeno continues, “I have to tell you something important.”

He hates to say it (hell, everyone does), but he did a lot of internet surfing last night, and that particular website was right. These years of pining and self-pity is enough. Time to _man up and confess!_ Jeno had wanted to argue and say something like, “Easy for you to say,” but then, it was fucking right. Pining for your childhood bestfriend who knows all your emo phases and awkward fuck-ups is not right, it’s _abnormal_. Donghyuck might not like him back, and that’s a big Possibility with a giant ‘P’ but that’s alright. If his bestfriend didn’t, Jeno thinks that’s his signal to _finally_ move on because he’s not gaining anything, anyway.

They’re standing in the middle of the school field, under the scorching sun, making their way to the cafeteria for lunch. Jeno fiddles with the black strap of his camera hanging on his neck. He had stopped walking when Donghyuck turns to him sharply, eyes bright and a smile that could rival the million-watt stars, “I have something important to tell you as well.”

There are flames of determination in his eyes when Jeno urges him to go on. The latter sees it and he suddenly grows nervous, anxious of his bestfriend’s next words. He braces himself, sets his heart to Numb Mode just in case. Donghyuck’s eyes are shaking, until they land firmly on Jeno’s own and the he breaks into a beautiful grin, “Mark and I are dating now.”

Jeno feels like tripping on a non-existent rock. His throat go dry and his knees are weak as they trembled. There’s a familiar clench in his chest and it grows and grows that he feels like shit, like someone coiled up his esophagus into a mess. The sunlight that made Donghyuck’s golden honey skin glow seemed to bright and ugly to Jeno. Did he just heart that correctly? Lee Donghyuck, his best friend slash the boy he had liked for years is dating his other best friend Mark Lee? And for god’s sake, why does it have to be revealed right now? Why not just after his stupid (it’s already stupid, Donghyuck has a boyfriend) confession?

They were in their first year of high school when Donghyuck found out about being in love with Mark, and now they’re dating. It took Jeno half of his life to have the guts to tell Donghyuck the same, just to watch it go down the drain.

He manages to strip out of his thoughts and blinks at the other boy’s blinding grin. Jeno’s mind is blank and he croaks out whatever that came through his mind, “I-I’m happy for you.”

Donghyuck beams at that. Jeno’s heart sinks lower, what happened to Numb Mode?

His best friend is eyeing him cautiously, in a joking matter, because he’s dramatic like that, “You told me that you have something important to tell me as well?”

Jeno figures that he’s fucked up. There’s a deafening _wee-woo_ -ing in his brain and a blinking red light that signals an emergency. He could practically see a large SOS in red bold letters above Donghyuck’s head. His brain becomes a malfunctioning organ, like his wires are cut off and his fuse blows up, completely shutting him off.

He needs an excuse, _now_. But Jeno is dumb and he’s panicking internally instead. Donghyuck is eyeing him again, in utter wonder because he really _is_ dramatic.

Jeno scans the area, willing his brain cells to _damn move_ to make a valid alibi. His eyes settle on a smaller boy behind Donghyuck’s shoulder, waving at him as he skips his way to them. And Jeno doesn’t think because maybe his fuse hadn’t blown up still, maybe his mind was on Stealth Mode because he’s side-stepping his best friend to grab his _another_ best friend who was a foot away from the both of them.

Renjun shrieked at the sudden force. Jeno interlaces their fingers together in a tight hold, ignoring the ugly flip in his stomach, ignoring how Renjun’s hands just seem to fit into his despite being sudden. The bubbling anxiety in his system causes him to bring their connected hands up for everyone to see, “W-We’re dating as well!”

He doesn’t need his eyes to know that both his friends’ ( _boyfriend_ now, for Renjun’s case, just like that) eyes are as wide as tennis balls. Renjun whisper-shouts a ‘What?’ beside him and pries his hand out of Jeno’s grasp. Well, _tries to_ , because the other is much stronger and he held it back tightly, pursing a smile to Hyuck’s direction. He flexes every face muscle of his trying to not make it look fake.

Donghyuck is gasping, both hands coming up clasping just under his chin and there are stars in his eyes that seemed to mock Jeno. He’s beaming, Lee Donghyuck is _beaming_ at this. Everyone, that’s how Jeno got rejected, “That is amazing!”

“What—“ Renjun was about to protest, but of course, Jeno is stronger and quicker than the smaller boy. He started this, might as well fucking go through it. Jeno grabs Renjun’s small shoulders, making sure the latter bumps his face on his puffing chest.

“Yes!” he exclaims too loudly. Too loud that he might have deafened himself as well.

There’s a thud from a meter away beside them, the sound of belongings rolling on the grasses of the school field. They all turn to it and Jeno confirms that he’s really fucked. Really, _really_ bad, because standing there are Chenle, and Jaemin aka his _other_ best friends watching the scene unfold. Chenle’s books are messed and laid forgotten on the ground, just beside him was Jaemin in utter shock and an open jaw.

 Jaemin is _there_ , eyes flitting between Renjun and Jeno and their connected fingers.

He feels like he’s about to puke.

* * *

 

“You,” Renjun points an accusatory finger at him, small eyes glaring right into Jeno’s soul, “are _not_ my boyfriend!”

It took Jeno a _lot_ of physical force to not let Renjun talk throughout the whole duration of their lunch, which was a mess, by the way, a total disaster. Mark, being the nosy shit he is, kept on asking questions and that meant Jeno had to keep on making up fake answers as well. Chenle is squealing like a teenage girl and exaggerating while saying something like, “I never expected these two to date!” to which Donghyuck replies with, “I’ve always thought that Jeno likes Renjun a lot” which is Jeno’s Rejection Part Two right there.

Jaemin was, well…

Jeno saw how uneasy and uncomfortable he became, also Renjun, and that just hit his guilt bullseye. He’s so fucking sorry to Renjun and Jaemin because they obviously like each other, but he couldn’t tell the truth to anyone as well. Because if he did, Donghyuck would find out about his stupid feelings. He did all the work, holding Renjun’s wrist as hard as he could under the table just so he wouldn’t expose him.

Now, they’re on the way to the main gates to meet up with the guys before going home. Thankfully, Donghyuck had to run for Mark immediately after the bell rang earlier, as Jeno needed a time to talk to Renjun about it. They’re in the same class, and Jeno had to deal his afternoon classes with Renjun stabbing him with his eyes just behind him.

“I know!” Jeno pushes Renjun’s finger down as they continued to walk, “Just—help me, maybe? We can pretend to date for at least a month and then let’s tell everybody that ‘we broke up’.”

“Um, no! Never! Why are you being so persistent in this? What’s gotten in your head anyway?!”

Jeno takes in a deep breath, his chest puffing out and deflating visibly. He’s not sure on how Renjun would react to his feelings for Hyuck, but he needs this. At least temporarily. He really couldn’t afford to be exposed at the moment, “I like Hyuck, okay? I don’t even remember when it started, but I know I like him.”

Renjun whips himself completely from a few steps ahead of Jeno. His crossed arms get tighter and the crease in his forehead dissolves as his eyes get wide in utter shock. Jeno searches his eyes for a response, but he could only grow nervous at what the other boy would think of him.

He expects Renjun to shout a ‘No you can’t!’ in his face but, “Seriously?” is what he says instead. Jeno nods, suddenly feeling embarrassed. His forefinger touches the button of his white long-sleeved polo.

“No way,” Renjun breathes out, and Jeno nods again. He bites his lip, the sudden frustration and hurt welling up inside him. He felt so awful. The fact that Hyuck is dating Mark of all people gets into his head. He couldn’t hate Mark, there was no reason to hate him, but Jeno is _so_ jealous that Donghyuck likes Mark back and not him.

“Please?” Jeno pleads, his eyes going up to meet Renjun’s. He wraps a hand on the other’s wrist, “I was going to confess earlier but he just had to drop the bomb that he and Mark are together, then I needed to get away and you were there—“

“No!” Renjun spits out, completely shutting off Jeno’s babbling. But Jeno is stubborn and desperate. Renjun is difficult, Jeno knows that. But he needs this, because if he took his words back the guys would ask about it and he was _not_ going to reveal his feelings to a certain Lee Donghyuck like that. So Jeno settles on his only option, and that is to bribe Renjun until he agrees.

“I’ll buy your coffee everyday.”

“No.”

“How about I take you out on a shopping spree? Of art supplies? Moomin merchandise—“

“No, Jeno!”

“Even Moomin?”

Renjun takes in a sharp breath for another refutation but Chenle’s face pops in, “Are you two bicker-flirting or are you bicker-fighting?”

Together, in annoyed tones, they both say: “Bicker-flirting.” “Bicker-fighting.”

“Is this,” Chenle straightens his back and gives both of them a weird look. His lips curl in amusement as he puts a finger on the space between his older friends, “like, phase one in dating?”

Renjun facepalms beside him and Jeno takes this as his victory.

* * *

 

Renjun doesn't wake up to drawn curtains and sunlight seeping on his windows, or the chirps of birds that perch on his window sill as they knock their beaks into it. He doesn't wake up from a sweet ending of his dreams. Renjun wakes up to a screaming phone alarm, to tons of reminders of his unfinished projects. Basically he woke up to deadlines he didn't need to be reminded about. It has always been like this, anyway. 

He had groggily shut his  _goddamn_ phone up before it wakes Chenle from next door (next _window_ , actually, since the younger’s window was next to Renjun’s). Yeah, his alarm did wonders like that. It's so fucking loud that it's impossible not to wake up in it (although he doesn't know why Chenle  _doesn't close his window at night_ ). His family always complained about it, really—especially his brother Sicheng—but how else was Renjun gonna wake up for shit?!

Renjun doesn't want to get up, of course, but he does. He was a lazy high school student, after all. A lazy high school student with a good reputation at school and in his family. He's kicking off his blankets, getting up to grab his towel before stumbling into his own small personal bathroom. He always had enough time for a good, relaxing shower. His mother drops him off at school, just like how their usual routine goes.

So, it’s a usual morning to Renjun. Not until he’s shoving and pulling out stuff from his locker and Jaemin’s bright smile got him blinded.

“Hey,” Jaemin waves, beautiful smile still on his perfect lips. Renjun swears he sees a halo over the other’s head, and then there’s a choir of angels behind him singing the best hymns as he glowed. It feels like the gates of heaven are opened and Jaemin greets Renjun by it.

Renjun jolts a little, forcing himself out of his little fantasy. The crazed hall noises are back, and there are no angels, just high school students rushing to their classrooms, “H-Hey!”

His morning routine to school never involved a Na Jaemin greeting him by the lockers. They’re not in the same class this year but they were friends so he usually sees Jaemin on breaks and lunch. It’s not new, though. It’s just very rare and Renjun _lives_ for those very rare moments.

Because he has this huge, fat ass crush on non-other than one of his childhood bestfriends Na Jaemin.

"Your eyes look brighter today." 

 _It’s because of you_ , is what Renjun wants to say. But he doesn’t. He was one of those high schoolers who blushes visibly at everything their crushes do and gets embarrassed easily, so he resumes on gathering his books in his arms, “Really? I didn’t wear lenses.”

“No, I mean,” Jaemin moves his hands a little in front of his face, “they seem to shine more today. Guess your morning went well?”

Renjun blushes at that as they started walking to their assigned rooms. So Jaemin noticed, does that mean he always did? He always did look at Renjun in the eye when they spoke. He did that to everybody, “Y-Yeah, I guess so.”

“I’ll see you later,” Jaemin beams at him and gives Renjun a big smile and a small wave. They had arrived in his classroom, Jaemin’s was next to his so Renjun sees him off before turning to enter his class as well.

He makes a sharp turn and was greeted by the same uniform he was wearing, only the person is broader and taller than him. He almost trips and shrieks a little.

Jeno laughs at him and oohs, “Na Jaemin walking you to your classroom, huh? You finally made a move, Injunnie?”

His great morning crashes down in front of his eyes upon the sight of Jeno. The realizations dawn in him in just a matter of seconds, he has now a boyfriend and that boyfriend is his _other_ childhood friend Jeno. Renjun presses his lids together for a moment, to compose himself before smiling at the said ‘boyfriend’.

At moments like this, Jeno annoys Renjun. He always teased Renjun about his crush on Jaemin since he’s the only one among his friends know about it. No, he doesn’t really hate his guts, Renjun loves his friends although they get too noisy sometimes. He just wanted to smack Jeno across the face when he uses Jaemin to annoy him.

Renjun pushes his friend by the shoulder and gets inside the rowdy classroom, “No—his section is literally beside ours, Jeno. We just happened to bump into each other earlier.” Their classroom is an utter mess early in the morning, and that isn’t new to Renjun. Being part of their high school’s arts program involved going inside their classrooms with the faint smell of paint thinners and used brushes, with random cameras suddenly pointing at you (you just have to pose a little to shoo them away, Renjun learns, since Jeno does that to him a lot), and with particular students who wear their uniforms as if they were in a fashion runway. Renjun is somewhat thankful that these are just only a bunch of visual arts students, he doesn’t know how he could deal with the addition of singing and dancing students in one classroom.

He plops down on his assigned seat, putting his backpack aside. Jeno follows him through, turning his own chair around from his seat in front Renjun (sometimes it’s an advantage since their teacher wouldn’t notice him dozing off on classes, thanks to Jeno’s broad back) to sit in front of the latter. He placed his chin over his clasped fingers on Renjun’s desk, looking up to him, “Okay, Mr. Grumpy, no need to sound so sad about it.”

Renjun flicks his forehead. Jeno groans.

“Stop flirting so early in the morning.”                                                                                      

Renjun looks up to see Donghyuck, _another_ childhood bestfriend, towering over him as he sat on the desk on his left. He could see a sullen Jeno from the corner of his eye. Donghyuck was sucking on a lollipop early in the morning and his hair was visibly greasy so he decides to comment on that, "You look gross, Hyuck."

Donghyuck turns to Renjun at the mention of his name, popping the candy out of his mouth, "You think Mark won't like the bad boy style?"

He could hear Jeno’s dejected sigh in front as Donghyuck makes his way to the other side of their classroom. Renjun shakes his head at him, then shoos Jeno away, but the latter doesn’t budge and Renjun almost wants to hang himself. He was here for art, for fuck’s sake. He was at this school with his friends so that he could take fine arts as his course for college, not to date—fake-date—one of his bestfriends just because said bestfriend likes another one of his bestfriends.

“You’ll help me right? We’re dating right?” Jeno says, chin still resting on top of his clasped palms.

Renjun wants to say no, and the word is hanging on the tip of his tongue, but he doesn’t speak. He glares at the boy in front of him; Jeno is sucking the life out of his bottom lip that Renjun worries it would bleed, and his eyes are sparkly with plead. He clearly isn’t giving up now, Renjun thinks because that was just how Jeno is. The boy is just as stubborn as a kid who wants his blanket.

But he still shakes his head, “No. I don’t want to get dragged in whatever you have in mind, Jeno.”

Jeno visibly deflates, and for a second Renjun thought that he had given up, but then again, Jeno is stubborn as hell, “It won’t be hard, Jun. We just have to stick together, we don’t have to do the couple-y things.”

Yes, if he puts it that way, it wouldn’t be hard because they’re friends, sticking together wasn’t new. But Renjun doesn’t want anyone to think that he’s dating someone, much more his childhood friend. Jeno doesn’t seem to get that idea. For the both of them, they wouldn’t be dating, but for the eyes of their friends and others around them, they are. And that doesn’t sit well for Renjun, he didn’t want Jaemin to think that he likes Jeno.

“No,” he says again, dropping the syllables with much emphasis that he hopes would get stamped into Jeno’s brain. He says it with a strong finality, “You have to tell everyone that we’re not. You have to tell Hyuck that it was a mistake—“

“And tell him that I like him,” Jeno deadpans.

“Yes,” Renjun says, then sighs when Jeno makes a dejected face, “Hyuck won’t dislike you just because of that, Jeno. In fact, he might even think it’s great that you decided to tell him instead of lying.”

Jeno looked like he was contemplating, and Renjun smiles at him for assurance. But the other just looks at him, although his eyes are visibly distant. Renjun drops his smile as the doubtful and crestfallen look comes back settling on Jeno’s face.

“I can’t,” he whines, then buries his head in his arms. Renjun rolls his eyes, although he doesn’t really mean it. He curses at himself for being so soft, for being so easy to persuade. He curses at Jeno for being so miserable and hopeless.

“Fine, I’ll help you,” Renjun mutters, the thought of having to play pretend with Jeno still unsettling. Jeno must have heard him clear, because the boy hastily sits up straight with a look of astonishment. Before Jeno could break into a grin and a happy dance, Renjun cuts in, “But! You still have to tell them.”

“I can’t promise you that—“

“At least _try_ , Jeno,” Renjun whines.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things will go down and the story will be a tad bit sad and serious but i swear there's fluff!  
> should i continue this?  
> 


	2. step up if you can keep up, keep up with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the miseries of a lee jeno.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from nct 127's good thing. i was listening to it while posting this lol

Jeno regrets it, of course. He felt bad for having to drag Renjun with his shit. Renjun was happily spending his second year of high school, and Jeno just had to ruin it for him. He knows that it seemed selfish, but he was truly unsure if he could tell Donghyuck. The fact that he’s dating Mark is continuously stabbing his chest, and he’s not certain if he could still have the guts to still like Donghyuck when the boy clearly has someone else.

To put it shortly, Jeno was feeling terrible.

Renjun was right, Hyuck would prefer him telling the truth instead of lying, even if the truth isn’t that much likeable, because it was Donghyuck. Donghyuck was born in a sunny day and he was caring and sensitive like that. But the thought of direct rejection fears Jeno. The mere thought of Donghyuck saying that he likes Mark and not him made the acids in his stomach create a tidal wave that washes all through his body.

He had already tuned out to his Chemistryteacher’s voice the moment he felt his phone buzz in the pocket of his school blazer, signaling that he had a new message. His fingers had twitched a little on top of his desk, but Jeno fights the urge to check it because Donghyuck was the only one who messages him during class. Jeno blinks it off when a second buzz comes.

He sort of regrets being in the same class as Donghyuck as well. At first, he got giddy and excited, but now that this happened, Jeno regrets feeling that way before. Now, he wants to ignore Hyuck as much as possible.

When the third buzz from his phone came, Jeno sighs to himself and opens the fucking message.

**Donghyuck [14:13]**

mark and i are studying together tonight. wanna join?

pssst

jeno

Jeno puts away his phone into the pocket of his school blazer again, sending a raised eyebrow at Donghyuck from seats away. The boy mouths a _Reply me_ but Jeno rolls his eyes at him. He then resumes on taking notes, eyes now focused on the teacher up in front.

Study date. They’re having a study date on a school night, on a Tuesday night. Jeno remembers having their weekly History test tomorrow, but Donghyuck never agrees to Jeno when he invites him over to study on a school night. So now with Mark it’s fine? He blew out a raspberry and pulls out his phone, careful so that he doesn’t get caught.

**Jeno [14:27]**

and what, third wheel? No thanks.

Jeno bites his lip. There’s the familiar wrench in his gut again.

**Jeno [14:32]**

                                                                                    besides, im studying with renjun tonight.

He pockets the device again, this time, completely willing himself to ignore the buzz as another message comes in. He reminds himself to drag Renjun again tonight, and the latter would probably yell at him but Jeno will come prepared for his nag. He fully turns his attention to the swirls of chemical components written on the board. Jeno doesn’t need any more distractions. He was terrible at Chemistry, and if he wanted to move up to third (and last, thank fuck) year of high school and be accepted in one of the best film universities in the country, he needed to pass this subject first.

After hours of brain-fucking subjects, a spontaneous pop quiz from Miss Son, and jotting down notes that Jeno isn’t sure he could even read with his bad handwriting and pre-occupied mind, Jeno finally throws his body on the soft mattress of his bed with a sigh of utter exhaustion. His brain cells are dead, just as usual everyday after eight hours of school, and he needed rest for them to regenerate.

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this,” Renjun groans the moment he closes Jeno’s bedroom door. Ah, right, they had to study.

Jeno had managed to force him to his house after school, even talked to his mom for it. Actually, he intentionally walked Renjun home so that he could tell his mother about studying. He didn’t tell Renjun firsthand, he knew that the boy would disagree with a big fat ‘NO’. Mrs. Huang was a sweetheart and she loves Jeno a lot so she definitely allowed them to go, leaving Renjun without an option but to go with Jeno.

“They were going on a study date tonight.” Jeno says soullessly, head hanging from the edge of his bed. He sees Renjun rolling his eyes heavenwards before trudging to the small coffee table where Jeno had dumped his bag on. Jeno sighs again, his legs bending up and he stares at his white sock-covered feet for a second. From the corner of his eye, Renjun starts to take out his textbook and a few notes, along with various colored pens that he always used when he studies.

Jeno gets up to strip off his uniform, opting to get changed with the sweatpants and a hoodie that peeks out from his closet. Renjun had changed out of his own school uniform either and it made Jeno feel to do the same as well. He’s fully dressed in a flash and he plops down to sit crisscross parallel to Renjun on the small table.

He felt lethargic, knowing that the boy he likes is most likely at his boyfriend’s house tonight. They might be studying or making out by now. Jeno visibly cringes at the thought, shaking his head to will the thought away. He leans back with a sigh, his palms pressing against the cold wooden flooring of his bedroom.

Renjun’s eyes look up at him the moment the sound came, but gets back to flipping his textbook anyway. Jeno stares at him for a few seconds before grabbing his camera out of its bag and starts taking pictures of the boy in front of him in different angles. Some of it actually turned great. The shutter takes over the silence in the room until Renjun finally snapped at him, throwing an eraser square on his forehead.

Jeno shrieks.

“You’re not even studying, Jeno,” he says acidly. Jeno pouts at him, only for Renjun to crumple a sheet of his notebook and throw the thing on his face again.

He shuts off his camera and lays it beside him, finally taking out his own History notes without a word. He flips his notes page by page and just the small glimpses of columns of dates he couldn’t care about made his temples throb, “I fucking hate History.”

“I hate Mr. Jung,” Renjun says with a crunch of his nose, “He gives the worst History quizzes.”

Sometimes Jeno wonders where the hell Renjun gets his energy to study so diligently. He knew Renjun could pass all his subjects with his eyes closed, and yet he still spend so much time to read his textbooks and write notes everyday. The boy was undeniably born with the brains, and Jeno is jealous.

He must have voiced out his thoughts because Renjun stops reading and clicks his tongue, eyes boring Jeno’s, “School is fucking hard, Jeno. I just do my best, and you also should,” he scolds, gesturing at Jeno’s notebooks.

Jeno sighs for one last time. He wipes away the image of Donghyuck off his mind and finally forces his mind to actually study. There’s still a faint throb on the back of his head, and Jeno tries his hardest to shut that off as well.

They spend another hour reviewing on old timelines and ancient facts (more on Renjun’s part since Jeno was too distracted), then exchanging questions and answers. Along the way of studying, Renjun had taken off his contact lenses and pulled out his spectacles that Jeno had always loved. He thinks the boy looked cool and cute at the same time with it. The thin, round frame is perfectly perched on the bridge of his nose and it was slowly slipping off as Renjun bows his head in utter concentration on writing.

Jeno blows off the set of hair that settled on his forehead. The exhaustion is once again keeping up on his system, but he fights it. His alarm clock reads 6:54 in red numbers, Renjun had told him that he’s planning to go home by eight.

His mind is running on its own again, from the ugly thoughts of dates and prehistoric events down to how this particular Korean dynasty fell in the hands of the emperor himself to the thought of small eyes and golden skin under the name of Donghyuck. The bile in his stomach reaches his throat, and he pushes it down again as his mind kept on running.

Renjun raises his poorly made flashcards to his face, and he was about to ask him another history-related question with the way he opens his mouth, but as if he could hear the gears and wires and other machineries running in Jeno’s mind, the boy’s face softens. His tongue retracts and Jeno figured that his deflated face had become visible.

“He never agreed when I asked him to study with me,” he mumbles. Renjun clicks his tongue.

“Listen,” he starts, forcing Jeno’s eyes on him, “you should stop thinking about that, you know.”

Jeno wants to know how easily Renjun could say it, how he could think that he could do the same as easily as he says it too. Thinking about Donghyuck had become a part of his routine, and recently, thinking about the boy has included thinking about his heartbreak too. But Jeno knows Renjun, he knew what the other meant with his words. And he knew that he was right, that Jeno should help himself too.

It’s hard, he doesn’t know where to start. He doesn’t know how he should stop thinking about Hyuck and his feelings. It was like the thought of the boy is encrypted into Jeno’s brain that it would malfunction if he forcefully pulls it out of his head.

“How?” Jeno scrunches up his nose, then letting his head fall onto the table. He himself flinched at the sound. As far as Jeno knew, Renjun had never been in the same situation as his before. But Jeno trusted him enough to help him at least with this.

Renjun hums a little before he finally answered, “Maybe look at the situation’s positive side? Like the positive effects of Mark dating Donghyuck.”

Jeno ponders for a moment, but Renjun’s words ended up swirling in his mind, nonsensible. So he passes him a hopeless look. Renjun must have sensed that because he speaks again, “Donghyuck looks happier than ever. Maybe a little sacrifice is what it takes to move on.”

It doesn’t make sense to him at first, but as Jeno continues to consider the words, he found himself nodding at Renjun in full agreement. He was right. Donghyuck had been extra glowing lately, the smiles directed to Mark weren’t the subtle and suppressed ones anymore, the heart eyes Donghyuck shoots at Mark were returned, and Mark always made the boy smile even with just a smile. Jeno has never received such looks from Donghyuck, and that makes him jealous, but the desire to make Donghyuck happy was overriding.

Renjun could be right. There would be a lot of pain, but somehow he knows that it wouldn’t last forever.The situation is done anyway, it’s not like Jeno could just break Mark and Donghyuck apart because that wasn’t how their years of friendship worked.

“I should just accept it,” Jeno says, firmly, and Renjun nods, “I should just be happy for Hyuck.”

“Yes. Remember in primary school,” Renjun starts. Jeno perks up in his words, an eyebrow raising again, “when you fought that kid because he took the last stock of your favorite ice cream brand?”

Jeno laughs, reliving the memory in his head, “What are you up to now—“

“And the kid was considerate enough to give it to you. Then you were happy, but got jealous because the store owner gave him a larger ice cream for free.” Renjun chuckles, the sound bouncing off the walls of his bedroom.

Jeno goes red up to the tip of his head, the scene playing on its own in his head. It was embarrassing looking at it now. He ruffled his hair in frustration, “Why do you even…”

“Maybe it could be like that, you know. Maybe if you give way to Donghyuck’s happiness you could gain something bigger after.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so you can imagine the same stuff that i do!: this is set in korea and korea has three years of high school (according to my korean friend) and the dreamies here are second years so they're 17.  
> anyways, comment comment comment! please tell me what you think, good or bad things. and also, i'm not a native english speaker so excuse me.....for.....the awkward......grammar (im pretty sure there is).  
> you can talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moominjeolmis)  
> 


	3. touch and figure it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment we transcend everything  
> It spreads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title and chapter summary from nct 127's 0 mile ;)))))

Jeno settles on ignoring Donghyuck for a little while. Well, not totally ignore him, Jeno is too soft for that, but maybe just stay away from him as much as possible. He sticks to Renjun instead (which was the plan, anyway). Donghyuck seemed to not think deeper about it as well. Probably too busy thinking about his boyfriend, Jeno thinks.

Mark and Donghyuck are a lot couple-y, or maybe that’s just Jeno being inexperienced and jealous. Breaks are spent with him staring at Donghyuck as the latter visibly blushes at something on his phone, probably Mark’s incessant flirty texts (Jeno’s _read_ them one time, yesterday, and it was so unusual for mark that it made the hairs in his head stand in utter loathing). Lunch hours are spent with the couple across him, hands clasped under the table, and pressed to each other’s side like they’re glued and meant to be together. Their walks home are spent with them both still not letting go of their hands as they swing it back and forth, whispering sweet nothings on each other’s ears.

To other people, there’s no harm to that. It’s what all couples normally do, especially when with the people who approves of their relationship (Jeno kind of hits himself with a bullet there). Jeno chants it inside his head, _it’s what couples do_ , but it doesn’t seem to stick in his brain as he sees his best friend and his boyfriend, which is his other best friend, kiss in the empty hallways.

Ten minutes ago, the moment their period break started, Jeno remembers Yerim, their blonde class president, yell at him to go fetch their Biology notebooks at the teachers’ lounge. Of course, being the decent student he is, Jeno did as he’s told. He doesn’t expect though, to come back at their classroom only to see Donghyuck lean in to connect his lips with Mark’s.

Jeno grips the stack of notebooks in his hands, then hides half of his body behind the nearest post. They don’t notice him as Jeno tries to even out his heavy breathing.

“I’ll see you later,” Mark says, then he jogs off to the other direction, probably to go back to his own classroom. Donghyuck still doesn’t notice Jeno as he skips back inside.

It’s normal. Kissing is completely normal to couples, he shouldn’t be surprised, Jeno repeats in his head. They must have done it a lot of times. He stood there, legs shaky and arms feeling like they’re about to go off. The thuds in his chest is almost unbearable, everything is a blur and his mind becomes hazy. How can he be so affected at that?

Jeno wills himself to calm down as he takes slow steps to get inside his classroom. He hears his heart break again, the scene replaying involuntarily in his mind as if slapping him his reality. Jeno makes it inside, thank god, and then slams the stack of notebooks at Yerim’s desk before he stumbled into his seat. Ironically, Donghyuck is the first one to hold him by the arm and ask.

“You okay?”

He’s clearly unfocussed, Jeno knows for himself, so he doesn’t answer Hyuck and the hammering in his heart go much crazier. He blinks the haziness away and breathes in, pushing away the bubbling jealousy and pain.Jeno’s mind brings him back to his conversation with Renjun from two nights ago, _Maybe if you give way to Donghyuck’s happiness you could gain something bigger after._

“I just—it’s a splitting headache, is all,” Jeno says instead. He looks up at Renjun, who had eventually stared at him with concerned eyes. Jeno tries to deliver a message, tries to tell him that he wants to get out of here.

“I’ll accompany you to the nurse’s office, then,” Renjun holds on his arm as Jeno gets up from his seat stably. Donghyuck looks like he’s about to say something, but Jeno sees him shut his own mouth.

Jeno is completely fine after they’re out at the hallways. The bell rings, signaling the end of their break. He pockets his hand and sighs. The look on Donghyuck’s face back at their classroom tells Jeno that the boy had known that something was off, and Jeno felt the slight guilt course his body swiftly.

Renjun pulls a face beside him before speaking, “You look fine, Jeno.” His tone is a little irritated and Jeno couldn’t help but laugh a little. Renjun doesn’t skip classes, not without a valid reason. A _true_ valid reason.

“But I don’t feel well, Jun,” Jeno pouts. He’s calmed now, especially that he’s with someone like Renjun.

The shorter boy flicked his forehead and Jeno backs away a little, wincing at the pain. Damn, Renjun is a small being but his slaps surely hurt the most.

“Hey!” Jeno screeched at Renjun, who was now a few steps ahead of him. He jogs after him and drags the boy to the other direction. Jeno doesn’t need to go to the school clinic, he just needed to get away and maybe distract himself to forget about the scene that kept on replaying in his mind.

They arrive by the vending machine, and Jeno pats his back pockets for his wallet. The moment he did, it’s like a switch was flicked on in his head and he feels like causing trouble. He turns to Renjun, a sneer making its way to his face, “Do you have your wallet with you?”

* * *

 

Renjun doesn’t know why he agreed to this but he regrets it. This predicament would climb the top five of his ‘Things I Regret’ list. Renjun doesn’t even know why he always agrees to Jeno’s ideas although he always doesn’t have anything in return but trouble.

But then here he was, together with the said troublesome boy at the secluded back part of their school. So far as Renjun knew, this was the farthest from the main gates. The wall in front of them is damaged; there are holes, and some of the bricks are missing, the alley at the other side becoming visible. It’s a lot dented than Renjun had remembered.

“Woah,” Jeno chuckles, “where the hell did you know about this?”                                                 

Renjun huffs, he doesn’t want to answer, but he does anyway, “Last year,” he starts, “Jaemin once dragged me to skip school when I was feeling too under the weather.” Renjun blushes at the memory. His cat had died, he felt so sad about it. Jaemin had smiled so much at him that time, holding out his hand to join him. They went out to explore the city in their uniforms during school hours, and that was when Renjun realized that he liked the boy.

“So you mean,” Renjun rolls his eyes as Jeno starts to tap a finger on his chin as if pondering, “Jaemin skips class?”

Renjun remembers that he also had asked Jaemin the same question before, so he answers Jeno with what Jaemin had also answered, “Chenle told him about it. You know how Jaemin just agrees to whatever Chenle has plotted in his mind.”

They both laugh. It’s a little hushed, too afraid to get caught by wandering teachers and guards.

Jeno breaths in and out heavily beside him. Renjun doesn’t have the slightest idea as to why Jeno wants to skip class. The boy had said that he wasn’t feeling well, then suddenly he’s back to being the goofy Jeno, and now he wants to skip classes. Does he want to go home because he feels sick? Or is this some wicked way to drag Renjun to trouble? Either way, Renjun doesn’t trust any of his friend’s judgements.

Jeno starts climbing up the wall, slotting his feet on the gaps until he’s on top. He looks back down at Renjun with an unamused face, “Why aren’t you moving? Come here!”

Renjun gapes at him in disbelief. Jeno really expects him to cut classes with him?! “Are you being funny?! Why would I skip school, you nuthead!”

Renjun wants to finish his junior year with colors and flashing lights, and that means having no bad records. Jeno is standing so confidently on top of the damaged wall, Renjun panics a little because _what if we get caught?!_

“If I was Jaemin, would you join me?”

Renjun swiftly bends down and throws a stray chip of cement at him, “You’re crazy. If you want to go home that badly, we could just get you a gate pass then you can go the _proper_ way, Jeno! Besides, we don’t even have our backpacks.”

He wants to strangle Jeno out of his wits, to set his judgements right because the boy really needs to set his priorities right. Renjun scoffs at the pout that appeared on Jeno’s face. He’s really getting impatient. If he couldn’t get Jeno off the wall for the next five minutes, then Renjun is leaving him alone. But of course, Jeno is stubborn as hell. And it’s not cute.

“I can’t go home,” Jeno whines, the upcoming tantrum visible, “I told you I don’t feel well. Come with me, please?”

Renjun almost gives in to the temptation. He was tired of school himself, but no matter how boring their classes could be, he knows he shouldn’t be skipping. And that Jeno shouldn’t as well.

“Besides,” Jeno says again, “you told me you have your wallet with you right?”

“Yeah, but my phone—“

“I don’t have mine either, and it doesn’t matter.”                                         

Renjun widens his eyes at Jeno, “No!” If Jeno was stubborn, then Renjun would be, maybe that could make the other tired of convincing him then eventually relent. It’s only ten in the morning, not even halfway through the day, Renjun taps his foot.

Jeno had shifted and was now sitting on top of the wall now, his long legs hanging off. He had his chin planted on his palm, looking down at Renjun expectantly. But Renjun isn’t going to give in, not even in his dumb glistening and pleading eyes—

“Fine,” Renjun grumbles, “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“That took you a while,” Jeno voices his thoughts out loud and jumps at the other side as Renjun climbs up, groaning at every step. Once they’re at the empty alley, Jeno drags his arm and they make a dash to the nearest bus stop.

Jeno is laughing, probably at the frown etched onto Renjun’s face. The latter glances back at the street where the main gates of their school was, then internally complains at his own decision. He was sure going to regret all of this. When he gets caught, Renjun makes sure that Jeno’s life would be a living hell. There’s a series of tantrums and hair-pulling on his head when he gets dragged again, all thanks to a certain Lee Jeno, into the bus that had just arrived.

“You pay for the bus home,” Jeno says as he swiped his bus card twice before leading Renjun to a seat at the back.

Renjun doesn’t speak, he was sure that the gears of his brain are now rusty and dysfunctional from all the thinking that he had done earlier. The only thing that runs in his poor head was the screaming _Where the fuck is he kidnapping me?!_

He decides to voice out his thoughts, “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” Jeno answers. Well, isn’t that helpful.

It’s an hour long bus ride and Renjun doesn’t sleep on it. Instead, Jeno falls silently napping beside him, his head against the cold material of the glass window. It’s unusual, Renjun was usually the one to fall asleep on long rides. Maybe Jeno doesn’t feel well after all.

He had been occupied with looking at the sight outside the window, wishing he had his phone and earphones with him to enjoy music as he watched. The busy streets and small buildings of their town had slowly vanished, and before Renjun could react (read: panic) Jeno had told him that they weren’t going out of town, just a little further from the busy downtown. Thank _god_ , that was enough trouble caused by Jeno for today.

They soon arrive at somewhere Renjun obviously doesn’t know, but Jeno seemed to know it by heart.

“Where are we?” He asks as they both step out of the bus, outside the unfamiliar chilly streets.

Jeno stretches out with an indecent yawn, to which Renjun grimaced, then folds his arms behind his head. He starts walking and Renjun, being the lost chick he is ( _at the current situation_ , usually Jeno was the lost chick between them both), follows along. His steps are small, Jeno’s one stride is two for him. Damn, Jeno and his long legs.

“Do you even know where you’re going?!” Renjun shrieks, the panic rising in his voice again. If Jeno was that desperate in going out, escaping to a deserted area of the town is a very Jeno thing to do. What if they get into an accident and no one recognizes them? What if they get lost while heading home and get killed by some barbaric, violent man with teeth as daggers?! _Oh god_ , Renjun was going to die, he was going to diein vain—

“Of course I do!” Jeno screeches back, “What, you think I’ll go here and drag someone with me being direction-less and try to get us killed?!”

At least Jeno had probably thought this through.

They resume their walk. Jeno is laid back and relaxed, while Renjun is a little jumpy and environment-conscious. There aren’t houses or any building at all, just trees and tall grasses except for that lonely bus stop that they climbed off to. No, it’s not paranoia, Renjun is just being careful. What if somebody jumps in front of them and takes advantage of the fact that they’re just two high school kids lost in (probably) the middle of nowhere—

He yelps when Jeno grips on his stiff shoulders, pushing him to walk, “Trust me, Renjun. This isn’t in the middle of nowhere!”

He doesn’t relax though, but Renjun lets the other boy lead him anywhere that he has no mind of.

Eventually they stop at a beach that Renjun never knew existed. It’s not a sandy beach, though. If it was then Renjun might have thought that they were actually out of town. The pebbles are crunching under their school shoes, the wind cold but not harsh, and the waves crash into the shoreline of shingles a few feet away from them. There are seagulls, too. Their wide wings flap across the vast ocean, squawking as if celebrating Jeno and his presence. The sun is up and shining in the horizon, and Renjun thinks it’s beautiful. How could Jeno know a place like this?

As if reading his thoughts, or maybe Renjun had voiced out the question in his head, Jeno speaks beside him, eyes still trained on the sea, “Hyuck and I used to bike all the way here last summer. In case we got too tired of all of your faces and our repulsive neighborhood. We came very often, until it became a special place for the both of us.” He ends with a light chuckle.

Renjun is still gaping with awe, wondering if there could be more people who knew about this place. Maybe the beach would be prettier when the sun sets. He opens his palms, letting the fresh air slip through the gaps of his fingers. It’s blowing his hair into a mess, but Renjun doesn’t complain. It’s calm and refreshing, and it made his insides tingle.

“Why’d you go here?” Renjun asks out of curiosity.

The other boy shrugs, “It gives off the feeling of somewhat like solace.”

Jeno starts walking, Renjun follows him. His hands are kept inside the pockets of their navy blue school blazer, probably protecting it from the chill of the wind. Jeno’s hands easily gets cold, Renjun remembers. He watched Jeno’s figure walk before him. The other’s steps are slow, but his strides are long. He’s staring straight ahead and Renjun could guess that Jeno’s mind is elsewhere. He tries to read through Jeno by his posture, but the latter is just very confined and unpredictable.

Renjun gasps and stops abruptly when Jeno halted all too suddenly, the tip of his nose brushing against the other’s back. Jeno doesn’t turn back as he speaks, “There’s a dock somewhere.”

The thought lingers in his mind for a moment, then Renjun smiles in excitement, his heart bubbling in anticipation. He curls an arm around one of Jeno’s as they walk to the said dock.

“You’re such a kid,” Jeno whined playfully, but pulls Renjun anyway.

They keep on walking, arms still coiled to each other.

“Why do you think pebbles are called pebbles?”

Renjun looks at Jeno weirdly as the latter kicked off a pebble, “I don’t know. I’m not really the one who invented words, Jeno.”

“Is it because pebbles are small stones and ‘pebbles’ sound cute but still sounds like it’s a _stone_ —“

“Shut up, you don’t even make sense.”

“I don’t.”

“You definitely don’t.”

The soft sound of pebbles crunching beneath their feet slowly sounded quiet. Renjun realized that they’re stepping on the stairs to the wooden dock. Jeno is holding his hand, carefully leading him down until they reach the end. The horizon is still endless and beyond their reach, and the sun is still shining as bright as it did before. The clouds look like exactly how they were positioned in the sky, as if Renjun hadn’t moved from the spot they arrived to at the beach almost an hour ago. But it felt way better.

Jeno had squatted down, hand still clasped on Renjun’s as the latter stood still, once again taking in the view before him. Jeno tugs him down, and Renjun relents, sitting beside the other with their knee touching.

There could be more scenes and landscapes much more beautiful than this, Renjun thinks, but the feeling will always be different. It’s a serene moment, he would like to think, it’s a serene moment until a loud grumble that sounded like it came from someone’s stomach interrupts such _serene moment_. Renjun realizes that it was _his_ stomach, he presses his eyes shut in embarrassment.

“Of course,” Jeno laughs. Renjun slaps his arm.

They don’t go anywhere further than where they arrived to. Jeno says that they could go walk around to find a place to eat, but Renjun refuses to be dragged away by Jeno who seemed a lot more confident of this area than he knows he actually is. Thankfully, there’s a lonely café just across the bus stop they had climbed off to.

It’s a small shop. An old lady is behind the counter and a middle-aged one was wiping the tables when they both arrived. They were greeted with sweet smiles. There’s no aroma of coffee and cakes anywhere, so Renjun thinks that everyday must be a slow day for them.

They don’t sit on a table though, opting to buy takeout to eat at the dock (“You’re so sentimental, Injunnie” “Shut up, you like the idea too”). Renjun gets himself the cheapest one on the menu, he doesn’t want to spend all of his savings all at once in some deserted place for food.

“Is this some kind of joke,” Jeno starts as they step out of the lonely café, pointing at the bag he was holding, “or did I actually spent half of my allowance for food?”

“I swear you always don’t make sense,” Renjun rolls his eyes at Jeno’s boring self.

With that, they get back at the dock.

Renjun sips on his milkshake as they sat back down. His watch tells him that it was twenty minutes past 1 PM, and he’s reminded that they should be in their seats at their stinky classroom back at school, drowning in Korean Literature and jotting down notes, but instead, they’re at some weird place Renjun has never heard of, drinking milkshakes and munching on strawberry muffins sitting at some beach.

He scoffs, but bites on his muffin anyway. He doesn’t turn to Jeno, but he speaks, “What’s on your mind?”

Renjun isn’t sure if he wants to know since Jeno’s mind is a lot broader than anyone thinks and he’s always onto something unpredictable and weird, but he just asks for the sake of having a conversation. He’s not even sure if Jeno’s got something on his mind. The sound of the waves and the wind and the seagulls were starting to bore him. If he had their phones with them, they would have probably played some music (nah, actually it’ll be just Donghyuck calling them and prying). And Jeno’s voice is nice, maybe he could endure his weird rants for today.

He expects Jeno to let out a long, exaggerated sigh then talk about how vultures are bald, or how would a plane look like without wings (“Imagine if it’s just a metal tube just like that and it just shoots up the sky!”) just like he usually does, but the other just spoke gloomily, “Have you ever kissed someone? Like, _kiss_ kiss?”

Renjun chokes on his muffin, “Why would you ask that?!”

“It’s just,” Jeno rubs the back of his neck, Renjun fights the urge to coo. Jeno being embarrassed was a rare thing, and it’s cute, “I’m seventeen and people think it’s weird that I don’t have my first kiss yet!”

Renjun takes another long sip of his milkshake, calming his heart at the sudden mention of kissing. He thinks about it longer. Renjun himself hadn’t had his first _real_ kiss yet, if you consider that one memory of his where they had played that paper kissing game and the paper flew out of the way causing him to accidentally press his lips against Chenle’s puckered ones an actual kiss (no one, again, _no one_ wants to relive such memory). He had imagined himself kissing someone (hell that was how he found out he liked boys), that someone being Jaemin, but he had never felt what a real kiss was.

He’s about to say everything on his mind unconsciously when the embarrassment crawls to his cheeks again, “W-Why are we even talking about this—“

“I saw them kiss, you know.”

Renjun bites his tongue, not even asking who because he knows. Instead, he sighs, then stares at Jeno’s legs that were hanging off the dock but not quite touching the surface of the water. He then stares at his own legs in the same situation as Jeno’s, only shorter.

He looks back at Jeno as the latter plops down to lie on the cold wooden dock, staring up at the clear skies with a long dejected sigh, “I’m so fucking jealous. Of course Hyuck wouldn’t want to kiss me.”

Renjun realized that they came all the way here and skipped school to comfort a tall and broad-shouldered creature from his broken heart. He tsks, annoyed. But at the same time, half-heartedly, he didn’t mean it. Maybe this was what the other meant about ‘not feeling well’. He joins his friend and plops his back down, his sight changing from the horizon to the blue sky and popcorn clouds. His milkshake sits beside his thigh, close to the edge of the dock, and his forgotten muffin lies beside it.

It might not be exactly how Jeno feels, but Renjun also thinks that Jaemin wouldn’t kiss someone like him as well. Jaemin was apt, he wouldn’t fall in love with his childhood friend. And there’s nothing about Renjun that’s lovable anyway. Mark had told him that he’s pretty ( _very_ , Mark had said, but Renjun doesn’t believe him), and that he suits into anything, but he thinks that’s not enough. Everyone had viewed him as ‘an angel who secretly wants to roast anyone’ and that’s not pleasant, but it’s just who he was even if he willed himself to change that.

“No way,” Jeno breathes out, “You’re like, seriously one of those purest and innocent puffballs ever!”

With that, Renjun realized that he just voiced out his thoughts. He definitely needs to fix that habit too.

He flushes, clearly embarrassed as Jeno begins to laugh at him in admiration.

They fall silent after that. Maybe Jeno is self-pitying inside his head again, Renjun thinks. It’s weird, because despite how close they were, he always thought that Jeno was the type of guy that was confident of himself. Because Jeno never shows his embarrassed self, and he was never shy.

Unknown to his own self, Renjun smiles. He doesn’t realize the soft lift of the corners of his lips.

“Why are you smiling?” Jeno asks, tilting his head to the right to stare at Renjun.

Renjun doesn’t answer. He doesn’t hear the shuffling beside him and he’s wide-eyed staring at the boy on top of him the next second. Jeno had managed to crawl from his spot to invade Renjun’s, his elbows supporting his torso on each side of Renjun’s face.

Jeno blinks, and Renjun is about to shout at him and maybe push him back but he speaks, “What if I kiss you?”

Renjun is losing his mind as he stares into Jeno’s obsidian-dark eyes. They’re so close that Renjun sees himself in the other’s irises, he clenched his fists against his chest harder. Then his gaze drops at Jeno’s thin, red lips that seemed soft despite being a little chapped—

“What are two kids doing in here out of school?”

They pull apart instantly, sitting up in reflex. Renjun feigns to fix his hair, looking elsewhere but Jeno or the old man that had interrupted their unexpected moment. Jeno is beside him, Renjun sees him purse his lips, eyes flitting in every direction before turning to the old man with a tight smile and surprisingly stable voice.

“I’m sorry, I think we should go.”

The old man, as Renjun sees, was really an old man with a wrinkled face (even more wrinkled as he stared at the two boys in disbelief), wore loose pants and leather suspenders, and sported a straw hat on his head. He raised his old-man rod and waves it in a shooing method, “Off you go. Go back to school! You boys should be studying your asses off to have a great future instead of loitering ‘round here!”

They pick up their trash and scudded out of the dock.

* * *

 

It’s exactly twenty-three minutes past 4 PM and they’re still sitting on the metal bench of the bus stop. They have been waiting for a bus to come for almost more than an hour already, and Renjun is growing impatient. He needs to get home before the sun sets (the sun sets at five, _goddamn_ ).

He started tapping his foot three minutes ago, and the sky has already glowed yellow in pre-sunset. Jeno sits beside him with crossed arms and legs, even humming out a tune that Renjun couldn’t give a damn about. He needed to get home before the night comes and they get killed. And it irks him that Jeno seem to not mind about the time.

“Why isn’t it coming?!” Renjun says between gritted teeth. He has been grinding it for the whole wait that Renjun actually stops before his teeth starts to chip off.

“Relax,” Jeno says rather calmly, “Patience is a virtue, my friend.”

He’d strangle Jeno if it wasn’t for the familiar large vehicle coming their way, with flickering signal lights.

“Finally!” They both exclaim simultaneously and jump to their feet, eyes shining at the long-arrived ride home. The streetlights start to light up the illuminated streets when they stepped inside the bus.

Renjun scans his bus card this time, and Jeno beats him up to the window seat again. They sit next to each other, despite the bus being so empty that Renjun could just pop in to another window seat. Jeno closes his eyes again, Renjun noticed, and leans into the window just like how he did earlier.

The exhaustion is catching up on him, and Renjun leans back to his seat before eyeing the boy next to him again, then to the sunset that rolls on the window.

They get off at school by night to fetch their backpacks, but four of their friends are already at the main gates with the said bags, an unamused look etched on their faces. Later, on the walk home, they receive a long, ear-piercing nag from Donghyuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so long update hahaha someone help me im so nervous cos school is actually starting here in our country and its my first day to a new school tomorrowasknfkskskskhl anyways, comment comment comment!!!!!!!!!!! please tell me what you think. and im sorry if there are grammatical errors (im sure there are), its pretty embarrassing cos english is not my first language and i write to practice the language hahaha talk to me on twitter!!!! <3333


	4. i called your name and we stood there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from nct dream's walk you home

“Settle down,” their homeroom teacher bellows by the sliding doors of their classroom. The huddles of friend groups in every corner disperses quickly as the students proceeded to their seats. Renjun drums a fingertip on his desk, matching the sharp clanking of Miss Bae’s red high heels against the wooden platform as she walks.

Her red lipstick-covered lips falls apart in a sigh that was audible to everyone in the room. Jeno is leaning back against the backrest of his own chair, and Renjun leans in, the tip of his nose hovering over the boy’s nape, “I bet she’s gonna announce the school festival coming up.”

“As you know,” she starts, “your second year in high school is two months from ending and that means that our annual school year-end festival is coming up.”

Jeno turns his head with a scrunch of his nose and Renjun suppresses his giggles.

They turn in front once again as Miss Bae holds up a hand to silence the chatters of the rooms that started after her announcement. She coughs out a little air before speaking again, “Just like every year, we’ll be having it for three consecutive days. The set of activities are already posted in our bulletin boards, and you might need to check them out…”

Renjun tunes out the rest of her words. Suddenly, doodling emoticons on the margins of his laid notebook seemed a lot more interesting than the school festival.

Having the festival meant that the school year was coming to an end. From what he knew, their school actually held it so that students could somewhat enjoy a little after their final exams and before another school year ends. He’s not dreading it, the festival was lots of fun, but he wasn’t exactly anticipating for it either.

He hears the clanking of high heels again, their homeroom teacher had dismissed them, and soon, the classroom is noisy again. His classmates talk loudly and squeals excitedly about the festival, clearly looking forward to what their school deemed to be the most fun school program. Renjun decides to worry about their upcoming exams two weeks from now.

“Injunnie!”

Renjun shrieks and drops his pencil when suddenly Donghyuck is clinging to him. The boy had inhospitably wrapped his arms around him, bringing Renjun’s face to his chest. He shouts out a “Hyuck!” but it came muffled and unheard. He could hear Jeno laughing.

“Can you tell Sooyoung-nim if I could participate at the art exhibit please?” Donghyuck finally relents and lets Renjun breathe.

Oh, Renjun is reminded. Every year at the festival, the art club had always held a small art exhibit to showcase their skills in painting and sketching. Renjun was an art club member ever since, and Donghyuck wasn’t. Last year, when they were first years and Renjun first participated on it, he could remember the other boy grumbling on how tiring and boring it was to paint or sketch for a club. Hence, he didn’t join the club despite Renjun’s endless offers, and joined the school choir with Chenle instead. So he doesn’t have the slightest idea on what Donghyuck is up to that he’s literally kneeling beside Renjun, begging him to talk to their club president something about ‘considering him’.

“Just say yes,” Jeno laughs. Renjun didn’t notice him filming the whole situation with his camera. Donghyuck is still kneeling, hands wrapped around Renjun’s wrist, and his head bowed as he mumbled incoherent words. Renjun cringes.

“What the hell are you being so dramatic for?” He pushes his friend off, “Okay, Hyuck. I get it. I’ll tell her—stop!”

The rest of the day flies in a blur for Renjun. School is as normal as it is, just with the addition of students gushing about the school festivals in the hallways. He pretends to be Jeno’s boyfriend, joins their friends at the ugly cafeteria for lunch, and bore Chenle and Donghyuck squealing into his ears. Nothing is out of the norm and now he’s walking to the main gates after dismissal.

Renjun hates walking home alone. He hates walking without a companion to talk to, he hates not having a single presence beside him. Maybe hate is a strong word, but he tries not to be alone as much as possible. Even if it meant enduring Chenle’s dolphin laugh or Donghyuck’s futile rants or even Mark’s smart ass. He’d rather have his eardrums burst from too much noise rather than too much silence. At least his ears burst from doing its job.

Walking home alone made Renjun feel weird, the idea itself is making the hairs at his nape tingle a little. It’s awkward, he would like to say. While having someone with felt much more comfortable to him. Or that’s him being used to going to places with his rowdy friends.Many people can see that he’s an introvert. He really is, actually, but maybe growing up with people like his friends made him invulnerable to all the noise that he gets worried when their group chat was too silent. Maybe growing up with people like his friends made him used to all the warm presences that he looks for it almost everytime.

Jeno has his weekly classroom duties with Yerim today, being one of the elected class representatives (Hyuck actually bribed half of their classmates to elect Jeno, but the latter doesn’t know that). Donghyuck and Chenle had choir practice for two hours. Mark had a school council meeting that he had to attend. And as for Jaemin, Renjun isn’t really sure. He hadn’t talked to him a lot lately. He didn’t text or anything, despite his classroom just next to Renjun’s. Maybe he had somewhere else to be today since it was a bit unusual of him not to say goodbye to them.

So basically, Renjun is left alone. And damn he felt alone.

He had considered waiting for Jeno to finish, or maybe Hyuck and Chenle, but being alone for almost two hours straight was too grueling. He might die before his friends found him so maybe going home was the best option. Even if he had to be alone, but at least he won’t be when he arrives home. So Renjun walks all by himself out of the school, nodding at familiar faces as he went. He tries to tune in to the noise around him to humor his thoughts, only for his head to hurt.

“Renjun!”

At the sound of his name, Renjun whips his head back, catching a glimpse of a tall girl waving her arm at him as she skips her way closer. Renjun recognizes that it was Sooyoung, a senior, and the art club’s president. Renjun smiles back, turning completely to face the senior. She’s smiling, but Renjun knows that’s just how she is, “So, the fest is coming up next month, and we’ll be having an exhibit as usual. I’ve called a meeting tomorrow during lunch, is that alright?”

“Sure,” he beams back, then he is suddenly reminded about Donghyuck’s harmless request so he calls her back and tells her. Sooyoung nods enthusiastically, saying, “That would be great!” then throws him a thumbs up before running off to her friends. Being part of the art club didn’t make Renjun busy. The club was active, everytime they had a school program they were the ones to put up a backdrop, or they help the theatre club with props and backgrounds. But it didn’t get in the way for Renjun’s other schedules. Having an art exhibit during the school festival was their biggest event.

Last year had been eventful. Their exhibit turned out great, and he remembered painting something abstract before. Maybe he should start deciding on a concept now.

The thought of art exhibits and the school-year-end festival reminds him of the art store he always went to before, just adjacent to their school. Renjun does a U-turn, suddenly feeling excited at the idea of art supplies and the smell of unused paint. He pockets his hands into his school blazer as he smiled to himself.

Renjun pushes the glass doors of the small store open, the windchimes greeting him. He smiles and bows his head down at the old lady behind the counter, then proceeds to look around the store. It’s not as if he’d been here for the first time, he actually went a lot especially when he got bored and dragged Chenle with him, but it has been a while for sure. The rows of art related stuff are fully stocked. Renjun grows giddy at the sight of colors and paint brushes. It’s warm, and he loved warmth.

He goes around to the aisle of acrylic paint sets, remembering that he had ran out of it back at home. Maybe he should bring some extra money and buy tomorrow. He sticks out the tip of his tongue in contemplation of which brand he should get when a familiar back side comes into view at the corner of his eye. His heart beats faster and he smiles upon realization.

Renjun takes a few steps closer to the boy, then nudges at the familiar broad shoulder. Jaemin obviously flinched for a moment, then turns to face Renjun.

“What are you doing here?” Renjun giggles, taking in the sight of Jaemin checking out boxes of watercolor pencils. He notices the brown bag he held on his other hand, it has a logo of the store printed on it.

Jaemin smiles down at him, “I was just looking around.”

“That’s very unusual of you.”

Jaemin doesn’t answer back, but instead ruffles the shorter boy’s hair. Renjun thinks that Jaemin must have noticed him looking at the bag, because the latter slowly hides it behind his thigh. He smiles back up to him, then clasps his hands behind his back. There’s still an endearing smile adorning Jaemin’s face, Renjun’s heart drops a little.

“You’re alone,” Jaemin says, lips curling down in a slight frown. Renjun hums in agreement, then the taller boy speaks up again, “You don’t like walking home alone.”

Renjun internally swoons at how Jaemin seemed too know him so well. He rocks on the balls of his feet, biting his lips as he tries to suppress his grin. He feels happy, so lightheaded, with Jaemin around. The boy just seemed to tug all of the strings in his heart and make his legs jelly with just the slightest hint of his smile.

“Would you walk me home?” Renjun juts out his lower lip, then giggles when the taller boy hums and looks up at the ceiling in utter fake wonder, “Please?”

Jaemin taps a finger on his chin this time, to show that he’s in a deep crisis of making a decision. Renjun doesn’t think he cares even if it looked so exaggerated. He hears the other whisper a small ‘Should I?’ to himself, even if it was meant for Renjun to hear. Jaemin let outs a few beats of his deep and throaty laugh before he speaks, leading Renjun out of the sweet-scented art store, “Okay, then. I guess I have no choice.”

The weather doesn’t seem too chilly for Renjun anymore, as he basked in the warmth that Jaemin brings. They walk side by side, neither of them uttering a word, but Jaemin is humming a song. Renjun tunes in to the sound of the taller boy’s hum, trying to recognize the unfamiliar tune. The sound of their synchronized footsteps mingle together, along with the distinct chatters of a crowd from away, along with Jaemin’s deep humming.

“I haven’t talked to you a lot lately,” Renjun says naturally, taking a peek at the other as they continue to walk. Jaemin stops from humming, then clicks his tongue.

“I guess we’ve been pretty busy,” he chuckles.

They start talking after that, going from one topic to another. Jaemin makes fun of the bunch of middle schoolers they passed by, dubbing their muted conversations only for Renjun to hear. Renjun laughs of course, he laughs at everything Jaemin says. They talk about school and their upcoming exams, then about the school festival after the exams season. Jaemin learns that Renjun will be painting for the art exhibit again, and Renjun learns that Jaemin is one of the students chosen for the annual dance performance.

Renjun had gasped at the new information. Being part of the annual dance performance for their school festival was rare for juniors like them since it was always the seniors who got the part. The performance was to showcase the different genres in dancing, and Renjun was so proud of Jaemin to be one of the students who gets to showcase modern dancing. Usually, the school films it and makes it a campaign video for promoting their arts track program.

“Practice starts tomorrow. It’s a little worrying, since exams are up soon,” Jaemin answers when Renjun tells him that he should be practicing by now. Renjun is happy, he always knew Jaemin was a great dancer. In fact, he was pretty popular at school for it, even back when they were younger. He’s proud of him, but he couldn’t help but worry a little.

“But your back…” he mumbles.

Jaemin was in a back injury back in middle school because of a soccer incident. Because of that his activities were limited and dancing came to a halt for quite a while. Renjun worries that too much straining would cause his herniated disc to reappear. He couldn’t erase the image of a 15-year-old Jaemin sprawled on the floor, crying as he clutched his lower back.

“Renjun, that was two years ago,” Jaemin chuckles, fond of the smaller boy’s worry, “I started dancing again last year, remember? I’m more than okay now.”

Renjun sighs. He doesn’t press much further. He knew that Jaemin doesn’t like them worrying for him, and he trusted Jaemin. If he said that he’s fine, then he’s fine. So he nods, his house coming into view.

“How are you and Jeno?”

Renjun almost trips on his own feet after hearing the words. He gulps back the shriek that attempted to go past his throat, blinking twice as he smiled. He hopes that it doesn’t look too fake, “We’ve been great! As always!” He noticed how his voice got a pitch too high, and Renjun internally cringed at himself. Of course, Jaemin would ask that. Everyone knew that he and Jeno were dating.

He thanks all the gods because they arrive in front of his house just in time, stopping Jaemin from asking another Jeno-and-him related question. Renjun turns to Jaemin then smiles.

Jaemin smiles back and Renjun thought that it was his cue to say goodbye when the other puts up the bag from the art store right in front of his nose, “Use it for your painting,” he says. Renjun takes a second to let his mind process the whole situation, then widens his eyes in disbelief at the other.

Jaemin was still smiling, wide grin plastered across his face. It’s beautiful, and Renjun blushes.

“You didn’t have to,” he mumbles. His voice is small that Renjun almost says it to himself, but Jaemin catches it anyway. The taller boy takes Renjun’s hand, then loops the bag’s handle in it.

“It’s a gift. I wanted to,” Jaemin curls Renjun’s fingers close, then he lets go of it. Renjun’s blush become a deeper shade of red that he worries if it was visible to the other boy.  His heart swells. Jaemin was so thoughtful that colors actually burst out from Renjun’s chest, making him giddy all over.

Renjun thought that was it. He thought that Jaemin would step back and turn away already, but he doesn’t. Renjun sees him stepping closer, then closes both of his eyes before leaning in. Jaemin’s hand is cupped the back of his head, pulling Renjun closer. Renjun goes deaf at the sound of his heartbeat, and he almost shuts his eyes expecting for it. But he feels Jaemin’s pair of soft lips press on his forehead instead.

His eyes are almost closing, almost hooded, as he lets the butterflies fly from his stomach to everywhere in his body. It feels a little embarrassing, expecting Jaemin to kiss him on the lips, but everything gives away when he kisses Renjun’s forehead. Jaemin’s lips stay there for two seconds, and Renjun could faintly catch the honey-like scent of the boy. Then he pulls away and opened his eyes, smiling at the slightly dazed Renjun.

“See you tomorrow.”

Renjun shakes his head, willing his sanity back. He only sees Jaemin’s back walking away, but his hand his waving goodbye over his shoulder. He fumbles, lips trembling as he finds the words to say until he shouts at Jaemin, “Take care!”

He’s not calmed down as he runs into his house, face so red and a certain spot in his forehead still burns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear jaemin's character isnt supposed to be like this but every cliche high school au needs someone like this and RENMIN NEEDS TO RISEEEEEE  
> the comments are so lovely TT thanks for reading! i swear this is gonna get crazy soon so please anticipate for the next chaps (i always say this lol)


	5. like i can catch you but i can't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from nct 127's heartbreaker ;)))))

Classroom duties _suck_ , Jeno thinks, especially when you do it with an overbearing class president. Today’s task was to clear up their classmates’ library records, and so they spent more than an hour at the school library after their classes. Sorting out library cards were supposed to be fun for him, plus the lovely air-conditioning of the library, but Yerim was extra chatty and nosy today that it somehow irks him.

Gladly, that predicament is over.

Now, he’s warily dragging his legs along the pathway to the main gates. The field is beside him, and despite the sun setting, there were still students sprawled on the grass chatting with their friends. He’s looking down at his school shoes as he walked, strands of his hair tickling his eyelashes. Jeno blows it away, only for it to settle back on his forehead. He needs a haircut soon.

He’s without a companion, and somehow it felt weird. Or maybe not weird, maybe just out of routine. Renjun went home alone earlier, saying he couldn’t afford any of them to finish their afterschool activities. He’s a little curious on how Renjun managed to convince himself to walk alone, he knew the boy didn’t like the idea. Jaemin didn’t contact any of them so he’s probably dancing at that studio he frequently went to. Donghyuck and Chenle had choir practice, although he’s pretty sure that it already ended minutes ago. Mark would possibly be around the school, but Jeno has no clue where he would be.

So, yeah, he’s walking home alone. Before he could even grumble at the thought, he spots a familiar mop of tangerine hair by the benches.

Donghyuck is slouched on the bench, focused on sketching something Jeno couldn’t make out was. His eyes are sharp and concentrated under the tips of his hair, tongue poking out in utter absorption. It’s a breathtaking sight, and Jeno pushes every emotion away, opting to avoid his friend for today. But the universe may be messing with him because Donghyuck looks up and catches his eye as if he felt Jeno staring.

Jeno curses at himself when Donghyuck starts to wave him over.

At this moment, it’s pointless to escape and avoid Donghyuck so Jeno only tries his best to give his usual smile, striding towards him. Jeno plops down beside him the moment he arrives, and Donghyuck was the first one to speak, “How was classroom duty?” he grinned.

Jeno shakes his head and gulps, “Worst, as usual. Although staying at the library was great but not with Yerim,” he twists his lips in a grimace as the said girl’s voice echoes in his mind. Donghyuck laughs beside him. He throws his head back, and Jeno wonders how everything he just said turned funny.

The laugh dies down. Jeno catches the moment to peek at the sketchbook situated in Donghyuck’s lap. He wasn’t all for drawing but judging by the messy lines on unnecessary areas of the page, Jeno could tell that the other hadn’t finished it yet. He scans the rough lines on the page, eyes widening in familiarity.

“Renjun texted me,” Donghyuck starts so Jeno turns to him, “Sooyoung agreed to let me participate at the exhibit.” He says. Jeno eyes the sketch again, fully taking in that it was indeed Mark’s face. Donghyuck had been really good at sketching portraits since before, Jeno knew that. But somehow, seeing this felt different. Donghyuck drew Mark differently; so real, so full of passion and affection. His lips are still parted in awe when the other boy speaks again, “The festival falls on Mark’s birthday. I was thinking of painting him…”

There’s a buzz in Jeno’s head, making a noise that the back of his eyes start to hurt. Donghyuck’s face becomes a little blurred out, but his dreamlike voice as he speaks was clear to him. Jeno blinks, forcing it away. He clears his throat inaudibly, pushing back the nausea that threatened to let out.

“…think he’ll like it?”

Jeno is so, so jealous that every muscle in his body aches within seconds.

But he manages to say in a surprisingly stable voice, “He’ll love it.” Donghyuck beams at him with a slight chuckle, and maybe Jeno’s alright, maybe Renjun’s words were true.

The buzzing in Jeno’s head overpowers every sound around them, but it’s cut off when he sees the other boy tilt his head up with eyes in utter recognition. He sees Mark standing in front of them with a grumbling Chenle behind. They’re laughing at something, probably at something Chenle had joked, and Jeno’s head doesn’t buzz anymore, he doesn’t feel the nausea.

They head home together in synchronized steps, goofing around and making fun of the part-time worker at some pastry store they always pass by, just like the usual, minus two of their friends. Jeno doesn’t think deeper about the new information he had learned, in fact, he didn’t remember any of his conversation with Donghyuck when he throws himself on his bed, fully washed up and in his sweats and shirt. He’s tired, just like how he is everyday after school, but Jeno isn’t dozing off fast.

* * *

 

Three weeks, Jeno had counted. It’s been three weeks since his major crush Donghyuck started dating his other childhood friend Mark. It’s been three weeks since his shit started going down, dragging his another childhood friend Renjun with him. They have been pretending to be dating for three weeks as well. The three weeks has been great. All Jeno needed to do was keep the act, which meant ‘stick to Renjun as much as possible and he will do all the couple-ly things’, and keep away from Donghyuck or Mark to save his heart.

Jeno had convinced himself that he was actually doing great, both in pretending to be Renjun’s great boyfriend and keeping away from Donghyuck. He walks Renjun home every day to put up a show, sometimes spend unnecessary time with the other, hold his hand or maybe put an arm around his shoulder during break as if to tell everyone, “Hey this is my _boyfriend_ right here!”. Sometimes when their friends tell him how cheesy and whipped he was for Renjun, he feels a little need for a victory dance because _they fell for it, yay!_

They’re spending lunch at their school’s courtyard today, in one of those long wooden picnic tables.

Both of them are the first ones to arrive at their usual spot. Not even five minutes in sitting down, Chenle arrives. The boy is languidly walking across the courtyard, dragging his feet on the grass. There are books and notebooks under his arm, and his blonde hair looked like a nest. Jeno grimaces at the boy’s state, he clearly didn’t have enough sleep to make him look like the undead.

“You look sleep deprived, Le,” Jeno says once the younger boy reaches the seat across them. He had slammed his books down and laid his head there as he closed his eyes for a nap. His eyes are weary, and the dark lines appeared on his face.

“It’s because he is,” Renjun answers for him, flipping pages of his Science textbook.

“Yeah,” Chenle sits up hastily (Jeno was startled, because _how the hell was he alive?!_ ) then points an accusatory finger at Renjun, to which the latter had quirked an eyebrow at, “all thanks to your fucking loud alarm that won’t shut up—“

“Language,” Mark appears in a corner and the three of them turn to him.

“Where the hell did you come from?” Renjun shrieks.

In contrary to Chenle, Mark was prim and proper, or that’s just him being part of the student body organization and they need to be the student models. His hair is shiny and fixed away from his face, there’s not a single wrinkle in his uniform and even got his school blazer buttoned. Even Renjun doesn’t do that. Jaemin even doesn’t wear his blazer.

“Uh, from class?”

There’s a wave of insecurity that washes over Jeno. It’s not like he’s treating Mark as a rival, but it just sometimes get to him that Donghyuck would totally not like him that way. Every sane person would go for someone like Mark, someone neat and organized. Not Jeno-like.

“Where’s Hyuck?” Mark says again as soon as he places his bag on the table.

As if on automatic, as if it’s the only fact that he could boast to Mark at the moment, Jeno answers almost immediately, “Teachers’ lounge, he told me something about meeting Ms. Kim.”

“Great. I’ll go get him.” Mark stands up immediately, jogging his way back to the school building where he possibly came from.

There’s a light squeeze on his forearm, probably from Renjun, but the squeeze in his chest was overpowering.

Chenle clears his throat, then continues his non-existent argument with Renjun that didn’t even have the chance to start when Mark had interrupted by commenting on his language, “You _have_ to do something about your loud-ass alarm!”

“Well, maybe if you bother to _close_ your wide-ass window before going to sleep then maybe you wouldn’t hear it!”

“Well, maybe if you set your alarm to seven-thirty instead of seven o’clock then—“

“Who the hell wakes up at seven-thirty on a school day?!”

“Beautiful people like me!”

At that point, Jeno had tuned out. People outside their friend group might think that he’s the one to go for Chenle’s pointless arguments, but he really doesn’t.

Jaemin arrives, and he’s not wearing his school blazer, the piece of clothing is hanging on his broad shoulder. He greets everyone in the table with a wave and his usual smile. Jeno could practically feel the heat on Renjun’s face from where he’s sitting.

 _Well, shit_ , Jeno curses at himself, guilt pinching him as subtle as possible.

“What are they arguing about?” Jaemin plops down his bag next to Mark’s, but he doesn’t sit. He lies down at the grass beside their table. Jeno watches him as he did. Jaemin placed his arms at the back of his head as a pillow, then he closes his eyes for a nap.

Jeno listens, but he only hears unfamiliar words and strong accents of Mandarin from the two. His head is hurting, “I have no idea, but I know that they’re not cutting some slack on anyone and stop anytime soon.”

Chenle and Renjun’s argument is turned down when Donghyuck arrives (Jeno almost gapes because _damn_ the boy is glowing) and wolf-whistles with Mark trudging behind him, “Spare our ears from your Mandarin mess! I can see their eardrums blowing up from meters away!”

They _finally_ start eating lunch after that. Except for Jaemin, declining Chenle’s offer of his homemade fried rice with a crunch of his nose.

Donghyuck had gasped dramatically at that, “You offer him your food but you won’t let me have some?! The audacity!”

“Stop being dramatic.”

“Why did your mom _birth_ you?!”

Renjun is beside him, feeding Jeno with his packed lunch using his own chopsticks. He knows the other is probably grumbling behind the sweet smile, because Jeno definitely is. This isn’t sweet, it’s making him fucking cringe. If only Mark and Donghyuck wasn’t seating across them with the former’s arm around the other, then they wouldn’t be this sappy and gross.

Donghyuck is laughing at something Mark had whispered, leaning on to the latter as he did. They’re so close that Donghyuck is almost sitting on Mark’s lap. He swears he could see them holding hands under the table. Renjun wants to puke and Jeno hears his heart shatter into smaller shards again.

_Maybe if you give way to Donghyuck’s happiness you could gain something bigger after._

“Can someone please,” they all turn to Chenle who had an annoyed pout from the end of their rectangular table, “ _please_ , stop them?” He says, grumbling, as he points towards Jeno and Renjun.

Renjun stops his chopsticks mid-way to Jeno’s mouth, “Okay, we’ll stop.” Then he feeds the last bite of his lunch to himself.

Jeno laughs awkwardly, eyes flitting somewhere else but the couple across him.

His friends talk about something else again, but Jeno tunes out, his mind too occupied with the recent happenings of his life. Then he decides to join Jaemin lying on the grass.

“Hey,” Jeno says waving a little before lying beside him.

He and Jaemin were close. They always talked and hung out a lot of times. They got along very well, especially when they had been part of the soccer team during middle school. When Jaemin had decided to quit soccer because of his back injury, Jeno did as well, to take care and empathize with his friend. He feels the familiar pang of guilt again, this time more powerful than a pinch, maybe a punch. Jeno knew Jaemin somehow likes Renjun back, although his friend didn’t tell him about it but he just knew. And he feels so awful to lie to him and steal away his chance of pursuing Renjun.

“What are you thinking?” Jaemin says. The voices in his friends are somehow muffled from where they lay. His tone is a little off. Jaemin had always been goofy.

“Nothing,” Jeno replies, “let’s hang out sometime.” Jaemin doesn’t reply after seconds, so Jeno tries to continue, “It’s been a while since we did.”

Jeno hears the other snort, and he was partially glad at that, “Probably because you’ve been spending too much time with Renjun.” Jeno doesn’t reply, but he laughs a little at that. He had been spending time with Renjun, maybe because the other was the only one he could vent out to these days. Renjun was the only one he could open up to, given to their current situation. Jaemin makes a sound again, “You didn’t tell me you liked him.”

Again, Jeno doesn’t answer. There’s a surge of guilt in his veins again, and Jeno doesn’t trust his mouth. It’s awkward, and Jeno knows that Jaemin felt it too as he speaks, “He’s great isn’t he?”

“Yeah.” Jeno just answers unconsciously. Renjun was holding Chenle in a chokehold, probably still part of their unending (and pointless, Jeno doubts it’s gonna end) argument. He’s smiling though, and it looked bright under the sun.

As if on cue, like a cliché in some movie, the school bell rings, signaling five minutes before their afternoon classes starts. Jaemin is quick on his feet, and Jeno follows through. The other just smiles his usual thousand-watt smile at him before strangling Chenle jokingly.

“What did you guys talk about?” Renjun pipes in beside him as they began to walk to their assigned classroom.

There’s another wave of guilt that washes through Jeno, so strong that he might be drowning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm sorry for the sudden time skip but shit has to go down and i figured that i have to write this now bcos im getting busier by the day T_T this was posted later than what i have planned originally and i was half asleep writing this i'm so sorry for disappointing  
> again, english is not my first language and i'm still practicing so forgive the grammatical errors etc.  
> ANYWAYS, comments and kudos would be very lovely! seeing the progress of this fic makes me happy although it's not that much lmao but it's still the first chaptered fic i've ever posted <333333


	6. there will be a star that will lift your spirits, that star would be me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> do you remember what i said  
> every night long time ago  
> the compass that i saw in my dreams  
> i know now that it's you
> 
> a special chapter dedicated to markhyuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from nct dream's dear dream :'))))))))

Mark meets Donghyuck when he was eight.

It was a week after he moved in from Canada. He had adjusted well enough. The neighborhood was quiet and peaceful, and speaking Korean wasn’t new so Mark only had to deal with the jet lag.

His family had fully unpacked and Mark and his mom just got back from the local elementary school that he was going to attend starting this Monday. He’s bouncing up and down on his toes watching his mother turn the doorknob to their home. They enter, Mark cheerily sing-songs, “We’re home!” just like how his mother does it everytime, his high-pitched voice bouncing off the hallway. He toes off his sneakers by the door, small socked feet thumping lightly against the wooden floor as he makes a dash for his father.

That’s when he caught a glimpse of a small figure sitting on their couch. It’s a small boy, sitting prim and proper with his thighs pressed together and palms flat on his lap. The boy is so small that his legs are left dangling off the edge. Mark wonders how he sat there when his legs aren’t even touching the floor.

The boy is small, and he sure has a lot of baby fat, Mark thinks. His cheeks are very round and soft-looking that it reminded Mark of the rice cakes his grandma made for them the day before they left his hometown. His fingers are short and stubby. The boy was short and stubby.

Mark blinks at him, doe eyes shining in curiosity. The boy’s fluffy tuft of black hair bounces a little as he nods a full teeth-showing smile at him.

“Oh dear!’ Mark hears his mother gasp before she ushers him closer to the small boy, “I’m glad you’re here, Donghyuck! Mark, this is Donghyuck.”

The boy—Donghyuck—beams at him, waving his small hand a little, wide grin spread across his face. Mark blinks again before shyly waving back with a sweet tinge of shy blush decorating his cheeks. He notices how Donghyuck’s skin was golden tanned, shining as the afternoon sunlight creeped into the room and to Donghyuck. He’s about to speak, his mouth opening and taking a sharp breath, when Mark’s father prevented him to.

“He lives across the street!” Mr. Lee chirps from the kitchen. Mark recalls a couple that his parents made friends with yesterday. Maybe they were Donghyuck’s parents.

“You two can play and be friends, okay?” Mrs. Lee kisses both of their foreheads, opting to help his husband at the kitchen.

Then the two boys are left alone in the living room. Donghyuck is still smiling brightly at him, and Mark stares back. He shyly trudges closer to the couch, closer to Donghyuck. The smaller boy shifts, grips the edge of the couch, as he watched Mark sit beside him, “I have board games in my bedroom.”

Mark saw how Donghyuck’s eyes gleam even brighter than it possibly could at his words. The boy jumps off from his seat, clapping like how a happy seal would, “I love games!”

He smiles, relief and joy washing over his tiny body. He eagerly holds one of Donghyuck’s stubby hands, excitedly pulling him along upstairs to his bedroom. Donghyuck is giggling, and Mark’s naïve mind doesn’t know why but he starts giggling as well. They still hold hands as the taller boy pushed open the door to his bedroom.

Mark pulls his new friend inside, closing the door behind them as they went. He sees Donghyuck marveling through his neat bedroom. The boy’s lips are partly open in utter admiration. Mark smiles, feeling proud that he cleaned his room.

“My walls are painted yellow, and I love yellow. So you must like blue,” Donghyuck looks around, and Mark sets up a fort with his pillows and blankets and his plushies on his bed. He pulls the other inside his fort, careful not to ruin it.

They don’t play board games. Instead, both kids chatter about their favorite snacks and movies, their favorite places and seasons. Mark tells Donghyuck about Canada, and Donghyuck talks about his friends Jeno, Renjun, and Jaemin. He also tells him that he should meet them, and Mark couldn’t wait to meet them. They talk about monsters and fairies, and how there are stars in Donghyuck’s bedroom, or even the Chinese boy next to Donghyuck’s friend Renjun’s house who wouldn’t go out because he didn’t know how to speak Korean yet. Donghyuck learns about Mark’s love for reading and writing poems, and Mark learns about the drawings and paintings pinned on the walls of Donghyuck’s own bedroom.

They laugh and laugh until they feel complete and they became inseparable.

Mark isn’t sure when the heart flutters started.

“Our graduation is tomorrow,” Donghyuck says, getting on the swing next to the one Mark was sitting at. The rest of their friends are still nowhere to be found. They had agreed to meet up the playground for tonight, maybe hang out for the last time as middle schoolers.

“Yes,” Mark breathes out and starts swinging a little, “Which high school are you going to?”

The wind is cold and the sun is setting, Mark should have brought an extra jacket because Donghyuck seemed to be a little pale, probably because of the cold. Donghyuck gets cold easily, and when he gets cold, he gets sick.

He looks over the other boy, feeling the series of tugs at his heart strings. Donghyuck is so pretty. His hair has gotten longer and it’s less curly than before, only a little wavy. He lost his baby fat by a lot, and he’s grown taller, but still shorter than Mark. His skin had glowed white recently, a little less tanned, but either way it always made him pretty. Donghyuck is radiant. Mark smiles at him, even if the other couldn’t see it as he was bowing his head down.

When Donghyuck looks up, he meets Mark’s eyes with a sweet grin, “You know me. I go wherever you go.”

It was like a secret promise between them, to stay with each other, to never let the other go. Mark is not sure, but he doesn’t know when he had started having a special soft spot on Donghyuck. He isn’t sure when he had started thinking that Donghyuck was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. He isn’t sure when the creatures in his stomach started appearing as they go crazy whenever Donghyuck is there. He isn’t sure about a lot of things already, but it makes him happy.

“Canada has four years of high school,” Mark starts, “but here it’s only three years.”

“But you still graduate at 18 right?”

“Yes.”

Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin, and Chenle arrives together. And all six of them spends the rest of the sunset together.

It took Mark a long time to know he had been in love with his childhood best friend all this time.

High school had been a little too busier than Mark had expected. He took the academic track, while Donghyuck was in the arts program of their high school. He wanted to be a journalist, and Hyuck wanted to be an artist. Mark climbed to the top, becoming one of the most honorable students in his department, even in the whole student body. He was smart and a student model. His parents were proud of him and his teachers even too.

It’s great, overall. Except for one thing.

Donghyuck starts to avoid him in the middle of the semester. He turns down Mark’s rare offers of a hang out with just both of them. He becomes stiff and awkward when they’re alone at their lunch table. He always seeks for Jeno instead of Mark. It’s weird and Mark worries. He misses Donghyuck, he missed Donghyuck’s savageness and his pointless rants. He missed doing everything with Donghyuck alone.

Two months close to three and Donghyuck is still avoiding him. He’s at the library, at the far corner where there were no other students, studying for the upcoming exams. His head is hurting from solving statistical problems as the numbers start to float around his head. And the thought of Donghyuck isn’t helping. The constant ache in his chest isn’t helping.

The pain is growing and growing until Mark smashes his pencil down, fisting his hair in utter frustration. He doesn’t know why it hurts, he doesn’t know why it kept on killing him. His heart clenches so much that Mark doesn’t even notice that he’d already started crying. His tears are wetting the pages of his textbooks, slightly smudging the printed math problems, but he couldn’t care. His head was screaming for Donghyuck, for the boy’s warmth to wrap around him just like before everytime Mark got upset.

Mark bites back a cry that settles in his throat, letting his forehead drop onto his open textbook. He whimpers to himself. He doesn’t know what he had done wrong. He doesn’t know what made Donghyuck hate him and avoid him like this for long.

“Minhyungie?”

Donghyuck was the only one who called him that and Mark almost screams. He takes in a sharp breath and stands up abruptly, pushing back the chair behind him. He lets out a muffled wail before grabbing the boy before him, crying into his hair, “W-Why—Why are you avoiding me?”

It came as soft as a whisper, but he was sure that Donghyuck had heard it since the latter sighs into Mark’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around his torso. The slightly taller boy still cries, wetting a patch of hair in Donghyuck’s head, but Donghyuck doesn’t seem to budge. Mark inhales the boy’s strawberry scent, taking it all in just as much as he missed him. He lets out a shaky breath, then Donghyuck pulls away, wiping the tears on his face.

“Crybaby,” he snorts. Mark doesn’t bite back his chuckle. Donghyuck smiled at him. So bright that everything dawns at Mark. Everything settles on his mind but it doesn’t crash. It was like fitting a puzzle piece into the gap in his heart. It doesn’t shock him. It doesn’t surprise him to know that he’s been in love with Donghyuck all this time.

Mark didn’t confess, Donghyuck did.

Second to the last year of their high school, Mark is elected as one of the school’s student organization officers. He still aced his tests and exams, he was still part of the honors list. Donghyuck isn’t avoiding him, and they’ve been closer than ever.

The feelings are growing and Mark accepts it. He lets his love for the boy grow much stronger and firmer. He lets himself fall in love, and he _is_ hopelessly in love. The thought of Donghyuck not reciprocating his feelings doesn’t trouble him because when he sees Donghyuck, he feels like he’s loved. And that sits well for him, that was enough for him. So Mark didn’t, for once, plan on confessing. No, never, he didn’t have the slightest mind on confessing.

It’s a weekend, and Mark should be at home getting ready for their family dinner tonight, but instead, he lets Donghyuck grab him to wherever the latter wanted to go. He kept on nudging the cuffs of mark’s sweater, begging him to come. Of course, Mark could never say no to his puppy eyes and puckered lips.

They’re riding the bus, and Mark should be worried because he’ll never make it to their dinner but he’s not worried. He doesn’t worry because there’s nothing to worry about as long as Donghyuck is beside him, happy and mischievous just how he is.

“Is it that far that we have to take the bus?” Mark asks twenty minutes into their ride. Donghyuck is beside him, sporting one bud of Mark’s earphones in his ear. The mellow voice of Zion.T is playing as they share the music, and Donghyuck is humming to it together.

“Well, it would take two hours straight if we ride our bikes,” the boy simply shrugged before planting his head on Mark’s shoulder, snuggling to his warmth. Mark sighs, maybe he should tell his mom that he won’t be home on time. Thanks to Donghyuck. But he’s not complaining, anyway.

Mark could tell that Donghyuck isn’t napping on his shoulder, although he had closed his eyes shut and his breathing is soft and even. The boy’s lips are constantly twitching, a habit whenever he’s nervous. Mark doesn’t know why he’s nervous, or maybe he’s just thinking of something that makes him nervous, so he didn’t comment on it.

They arrive. Mark does not have the slightest idea of where this is but Donghyuck had assured him that it wasn’t out of their town. They arrive in some lonely highway, and when Donghyuck starts to walk, he just follows until they arrive in a beach.

Mark is in awe, it has been a while since he’s been to a beach. But before he could say anything, Donghyuck beats him to it.

“I have to tell you something,” he says. He’s fiddling with the strings of his hoodie, and he’s looking at Mark’s face but not straight to his eyes just like how Donghyuck normally does when he talks. Mark nods, urging Donghyuck to talk as the latter kept of bruising his lower lip. He continues, “I—well, it has been really bugging me for a long time now and…”

“And?”

There must be something wrong, Mark thinks. He had never seen Donghyuck so fidgety and visibly anxious, he had always been calm and collected. The boy’s eyes are shaking as he looks down on the pebbles they stand in. Mark waits for him to speak, but Donghyuck doesn’t. Instead, he toes off his sneakers in front of Mark, and pulls his socks off. He’s pulling the legs of his skinny jeans with much force that it goes up to his knee then rushes to the water, arms spread and with a scream.

Mark laughs, but removes his own shoes and socks (thankfully he’s wearing his denim shorts), then follows after his best friend.

They play in the water, but not too much so that they won’t be dripping wet when they head back home. Donghyuck kicks splashes of water to Mark, and Mark does the same to him. They collect different sizes and shapes of pebbles, and conducted a match on who would throw the farthest pebble to the sun hanging on the horizon. It goes on for a while, until bot of their throats gets too sore from laughing and yelling.

“You didn’t say anything,” Mark says, voice hoarse that it came as a whisper. He has his arms wrapped around Donghyuck to steady him, as the latter had placed his feet on top of Mark’s. They don’t have that much height difference, but Mark was still taller. The position elevated Donghyuck a little that their eyes stand across.

Donghyuck still doesn’t say anything as he wraps his own arms on Mark’s neck. They’re still standing on the shin-deep water, another wave crashing in not so harshly. Mark sighs, comfortable as ever.

It has been normal for them. Being so cuddly and soft towards each other isn’t limited just for the both of them but to their other friends too. Growing up together made them comfortable enough with each other that hugs and light kisses didn’t shock them.

They don’t speak, not even when the sky starts to yellow, still in the same position. It gets Mark a little worried. Donghyuck had relaxed, so much that Mark thinks he’s already dozing off.

“Hyuck,” Mark giggles, “You’re not saying anything.”

“I like you,” is what Donghyuck says. He doesn’t break away, not even when Mark had completely tensed, “For a long time already. I—I tried avoiding you before because I thought that these—I don’t know, feelings would go away but it just grew and grew and now I realized that I just had to tell you—“

“I’m glad,” Mark blurts out. Donghyuck has been babbling, and Mark is truly glad. His heart is screaming inside him and he wants to jump in victory. He’s so, so happy that he felt like flying.

Donghyuck pulls away immediately, eyes wide in utter confusion and surprise. His hands are limp on Mark’s shoulder, lips trembling as he tried to find the words to say. He’s beautiful that Mark couldn’t help but pour his love for the boy as he speaks, “I’m glad that I’m not the only one who feels the same.”

Mark frowns as Donghyuck steps away with a hand in his hair. His face is still caught up in surprise, completely not believing in Mark’s words. There’s a constriction in Mark’s chest at the sight, so he follows the boy, arms reaching out for him, “Hyuck—“

And then Donghyuck starts smiling, beaming at him just like how he does. Mark smiles too, as Donghyuck starts to laugh, yelling out, “Oh yeah!” into the horizon. He’s jumping up and down, bringing splashes of water into his face but it seems like it doesn’t matter, and Mark is so fond.

So he laughs along, yelling with Donghyuck in pure glee, until the latter jumps to his arms as they still laugh, leaning in to bring their lips together.

And they kiss.

(“Jeno wouldn’t be mad, will he?”

“Why would he?”

“You told me that this is like, your special place with him.”

“Well, for some reason I know that he’ll bring his soulmate here as well, so we’ll be even right?”)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT'S BEEN A LOOOOOOONG WHILE FOR THIS FIC AND I'M BACK WITH PURE S H I T. im so sorry ive been through a lot lately (im all good now though!) i promise noren will be back soon <33333333
> 
> also, i wrote this in a rush because ive always been thinking of mark leaving the dreamies next year and i just want to cry ;;;;
> 
> oh, this is unbeta-d cause im too lazy hehe


	7. baby touch me, i can feel you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from nct 127's touch hehe <3

They’re at their usual spot in the courtyard again. Jeno doesn’t know when it had become a part of their lunch routine, but they met there instead of the cafeteria. They always met at the cafeteria since they were first years. But Jeno thinks that their school’s courtyard was better than the cafeteria. Outside was nice and sunny (especially that it was the peak of spring), and it didn’t have a lot of students hanging out. The cafeteria had become too loud for Jeno, and it reeks with the mixed smell of disgusting food and sweat. The floor is always sticky, too.

Jaemin is across him, Jeno watches. The boy is hunched caught up in reading his Science textbook  while eating his sandwich. Beside Jaemin was Renjun and Mark, the latter helping the other boy with homework that Jeno had done last night (that’s a first; he wonders what Renjun got busy with that he missed doing homework). Donghyuck and Chenle are at the side on their feet, music notes in hand as they vocalize and practice a song.

Jeno huffs, and then plants his chin on his bag soullessly. Jaemin must have sensed the dark aura surrounding him because he drops his stupid book to turn to a slumped Jeno, “What’s got your underwear in a twist?”

 _Don’t use those words on me_.

“Hah!” Chenle squeaks as both he and Donghyuck gets back on their seats at their table, “For once, he’s bored and I’m not!”

Donghyuck is still belting high notes beside him, and Jeno almost snatched his music notes and tear them into shards. Turns out Jeno wasn’t the only one who wants to because by time Donghyuck screams out a third high note, Renjun slams his Moomin pencil case (it’s fucking cute, Jaemin had gifted him that pencil case) down the wooden table with a glare at the other boy. Then he sneers out a “Stop making that noise in front of a hard-working student who’s almost ripping his head off over Home Economics homework.” And Donghyuck actually shuts up.

“I don’t know why Renjun doesn’t seem to get his homework done for like, two minutes,” Jaemin whines, stretching out his numb arms. He bends a little as he peeked into the worksheet pressed to Mark’s face, who was checking Renjun’s answers.

“Well,” Renjun glares at Jeno, and he felt the chills, but shoots up an eyebrow anyway, “thanks to someone who sits in front of me in class, he wouldn’t stop looking back at me and whisper nonsense while Ms. Kang was discussing a new lesson.”

Jeno looks around his friends’ eyes. He doesn’t know if he’s being criticized or what, “Well, I got to do my homework last night. In fact, it was just Home Economics, Injun—“

“Oh, I bet you half-assed it,” Mark comments, then slams back Renjun’s worksheet to the latter’s hands, “These are correct, finally.”

“And besides, don’t use the words ‘it was just Home Economics’ on him,” Donghyuck says beside him, passing a half-eaten cookie on his face. Jeno doesn’t take it to his mouth. He sees the frown in the other’s face, and he retreats the cookie, opting to eat it himself.

Jeno watches as Renjun held the finished worksheet in the air, a grin appearing on his face so wide that it looked like a muted scene of Renjun laughing. He could imagine Renjun’s legs bouncing up and down in utter joy from under the table. Who else looks so happy with just finishing a crappy minor-subject homework? Only Renjun. He’s like a kid, Jeno thinks, a cute kid.

“Whipped!” Chenle shrieks, clapping his hands. Jeno drops the smile that he had unconsciously put up in his face, and then tears his gaze away from Renjun to the other boy. Chenle is grinning, eyes in slits as every dimple in his face showed. His perfect teeth and gums are showing that it blinds everyone around. He’s like a kid too.

Everyone must have shrugged Chenle’s words away, because Donghyuck starts to whine, “Renjun, are you done with homework? I want to sit beside Markie.” The nickname was disgusting, but the sight of Donghyuck was even more cringe-worthy to Jeno. The rest of their group seems to think so too, since he saw everyone but the couple crunch up their noses in disgust.

But nonetheless, Renjun huffs before trudging around the table to switch seats with Donghyuck. The latter plops down beside Mark with a huge shit-eating grin. Jeno decides not to look at them further. He sees Jaemin’s eyes following Renjun’s movements as the boy sits beside Jeno, then sighs to himself one more time.

He bites the insides of his cheeks as his forefinger plays on the button of Renjun’s blazer, ignoring how the latter had visibly blushed upon making eye contact with Jaemin. Chenle starts complaining about how his parents are never home, and Jeno turns to listen to him out of boredom. The boy is complaining about his parents but it’s not like he spends a lot of time with them when they’re around. Jeno shakes his head at his friend.

“Jeno.”

The called boy whips his head at Mark, a curios eyebrow going up, “Yeah?”

Mark lets out an exasperated sigh, a crease on his forehead making an appearance. He looks like shit, and Donghyuck is rubbing a comforting hand on his back. Jeno has an idea of what was coming, but he urges Mark to speak anyway.

“I need a photographer,” he says. Jeno sits up straight at the words and lightly shook his head.

The only reason he was under the arts program of his high school was because he wanted to pursue filming in college. Sure he did a lot of photographing last year, but only because he owed Kim Jungwoo a favor. The senior was actually stressing a lot about their official photojournalist being sick at the day of a school program. Mark, being one of the school newspaper’s staff ever since their first year, liked the photos and started to ask him to take the position. To which Jeno had always declined. It was tiring, for god’s sake. The festival would be so crowded, and besides, he wanted to enjoy it on his own way.

Before he could even speak, Mark hushed him with his pleading eyes, “Yukhei is a graduating student, and he’s taking part at the dance performance so he would be busy—“

“But I haven’t gotten new lenses for my camera yet!” Jeno squeaks. It was true though, the lenses of his old camera got a bit faulty and he has yet to buy a new one.

“You could use the club’s camera,” Mark says, teeth showing in a grin.

Jeno slumps in his seat, defeated. He won’t be busy after the exams and before the festival, and Mark could really use his help. Besides, it wasn’t as if for the whole three days of the festival he would have something to do. All of them had duties except for him, so might as well entertain himself with taking pictures.

Mark is pouting close to his face, and Jeno pushes him away before agreeing anyway, “Fine. But you have to give me something special in return.” Jeno smirks. Mark claps both of his hand in utter satisfaction before concurring to Jeno’s deal.

“I can’t believe exams are starting next week,” Jaemin groans, a stray dead leaf between his fingers. He hears Chenle’s whining for the tenth time that day, and Renjun sighs exasperatedly beside him.

Jeno is worried for the exams as well. By now, he should have been studying, but everything is a blur lately and his mind is foggy so he wasn’t really on the mood to start studying. Renjun helps him study as well, during their hours of hanging out at the library prior to the boy’s requests, but it still feels like he was about to answer his tests unprepared.

“Renjun,” Jaemin says. Jeno looks up at him the same time Renjun did. The other boy is smiling, wide with his pearls showing, “I need help. Study with me.”

“But we’re studying together,” Jeno blurts out. Even he himself didn’t expect that to come out immediately, but it didn’t feel wrong either. It’s after he had voiced out the words that Jeno felt the embarrassment crawling, heat growing to his neck until the tips of his ears. Renjun is raising an eyebrow beside him but Jeno isn’t planning on taking his words back. It’s partially true, anyway. He and Renjun should be studying together, not with Jaemin. Mark and Donghyuck study together, so he and Renjun should be as well. They were dating after all.

No, they weren’t dating.

Jeno gulps, and then mutters a curse to himself. How could he screw his and Renjun’s life even more? Jaemin was obviously trying to get Renjun’s attention.

_Where the fuck did that come from?_

His insides don’t seem to obey the protests in his mind because he starts to speak defensively again, “W-We cuddle when we study.” Renjun clears his throat, an eyebrow rising at him. Jeno widens his eyes, as if to tell Renjun that he knew what he’s saying. Except that Jeno doesn’t really know what he’s saying, because who the hell cuddles when studying?

Donghyuck wolf-whistles and Renjun slaps his own forehead. The humiliation from the pit of Jeno’s stomach instantly goes up to his throat in a matter of seconds. He feels nauseous, especially at the sight of Chenle’s wiggling eyebrows and Jaemin’s frightened face. Even Mark looks frightened.

“Seriously?” Mark shrieks.

“We don’t even do that,” Donghyuck says, clutching his face as he laughed out loud. Very loud that some of the students actually turn their heads at their spot.

“We don’t!” Renjun sneers, throwing a crumpled tissue at the still smirking Chenle beside him.

Jeno braces himself for another long nag coming from Renjun after lunch.

* * *

 

“Why are you here?”

Jeno hums in fake thought, staring at the boy in front of him. Renjun eyes Jeno a little, then goes back on writing his notes, “It’s too hot outside.”

They’re sitting by the floor-to-ceiling windows of the school library. Renjun is across him, studying for a test Jeno has probably forgotten. Oh well, he could just cram before the unknown test starts. It worked better for him that way.

Renjun’s notes are scattered everywhere on the table, he must have been arranging it in order. Jeno stares at each sheet of notes, colored highlights on perfectly scribbled Hangul, cute drawings and doodles on the margins. Renjun was always so pure. He must have been here longer, Jeno thinks. He recalls the other boy running to escape once the lunch bell rang, so he must have stayed here for the past hour.

Jeno holds on Renjun’s arm to stop him from writing, eyebrows furrowed in slight worry, “Have you even eaten yet?”

He sees Renjun sigh, then pushed Jeno’s arm away, “I had a heavy breakfast,” he says. Jeno slumps in his chair in relief, breathing out an ‘okay’.

They’re silent again. Jeno looks out the window, to the school field just below them. He could see their friends hanging out in the middle of the wide field, a few more students huddled in groups around them. The sun is shining down at his friends. He could make out Mark hitting the top of Jaemin’s head with a roll of paper. Then there’s Chenle laughing at them.

Jeno’s heart sinks a little at the sight, but he doesn’t tear his gaze away. The couple, Mark and Donghyuck, are sitting close to each other as per usual. There’s an arm wrapped around Donghyuck as he laughed away, his hand resting on top of Mark’s right one. He’s shining; sun-kissed skin glowing golden, crinkling eyes as he laughed, perfect lips and teeth, hair looking so soft that Jeno misses running his hand through them or pat them clean (because Donghyuck messes his hair very often). Beautiful.

He misses Donghyuck. He misses his favorite person so, so much.

“I know why you’re here.”

Jeno finally looks away and turns to Renjun. Somehow the other had followed his gaze, he’s looking down at his friends as well. He’s looking down at Donghyuck as well.

“You miss him,” Renjun says as if he just read through Jeno’s mind. He’s still looking through the glass window. His pen is loose in his fingers, completely forgetting his former activity. Jeno sees the little crumple in Renjun’s forehead, and he wonders what Renjun could be thinking of right now. Was he admiring Donghyuck too? Was he actually staring at Jaemin in utter disappointment?

Jeno shakes off his thoughts before they could grow into something more and something weirder, “I do, but it still hurts.”

Renjun finally meets his eyes, then there’s a soft smile that grows on his lips. Jeno feels the air get knocked off his lungs at the sight, and he silently gasps to himself. He lets his thoughts overcome him.

Renjun is really, _really_ pretty.


	8. in your eyes, in my eyes, if we slightly pass, thats all i need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from nct dream's beautiful time :))))

Exam seasons, Jeno sighs, are the most hectic, brain-drying part of a student’s life. And it doesn’t happen once, it happens for like four to six times per school year. Jeno is seventeen, so that means he had experienced more exam seasons than birthdays. And that’s not the only thing he’s been worrying about lately.

Renjun. Yes, Huang Renjun has been on his mind for a lot of days. Well, he does think of his friends most times but lately, it has been different with Renjun. Jeno would always notice the smallest move Renjun makes, like how he walks differently lately, how he smiles extra bright lately, or how he chews on his lunch seems so unusually gracious or even _pretty_. Oh, and Renjun’s fingers, Jeno realized, were one of the most beautiful ones he has probably ever held. He’s not sure when all of these started to haunt him (even Renjun’s hair has become softer than Donghyuck’s), but Jeno found himself not complaining either. Maybe he had grown fond of the boy, maybe he got used to having Renjun with him since it had been over two months since they started this fake-dating scheme, but Jeno isn’t going choose either which explanation is accurate to what he’s feeling around Renjun for the past week.

With the mid-year exams coming, Jeno has found himself an excuse to spend an extra little more time with Renjun: to study.

So, despite knowing that it’s unusual of him, Jeno prepares his words to ask Renjun to help him with studying. No, Jeno doesn’t need help studying. He might not be as smart as Mark but he actually studies well on his own. Studying with Renjun was, well, an excuse. And of course, maybe his friends would have already predicted that the both of them would study together since they were “dating”, but Jeno just—well, he still wants to ask Renjun. Maybe to put up a show or something.

They’re walking side by side on their way to meet with the others for lunch, and Jeno takes in a deep breath, then opens up his mouth to speak.

“Hey.”

Only that wasn’t from Jeno.

Jaemin slips through between them, bright smile directed at Renjun and Renjun only. The latter’s eyes shine for a while, smiling softly in return. Jeno doesn’t know if that should melt his heart, or that should harden it.

“I need help,” Jaemin says as they continue to walk. Jeno keeps quiet after huffing, slowing down his steps to observe the both of them from behind. He wanted to cross his arms, be selfish of Renjun, but of course he can’t do that. So he forces his face muscles to straighten his creased brows. Jaemin drops the bomb, “Help me study, please? I swear I’d get you everything you want until the exams!”

Jeno’s heart drops. Not because of what Jaemin had said, but because Renjun obviously brightens up with a bounce on his step, “Sure!”

Call him selfish, but for some reasons, he wants to study with Renjun too. Suddenly, he needs help in studying as well.

“Ugh,” Jeno squeezes in between them, “Injunnie, I need help with statistics. You said we’d study together right?”

Renjun raises an eyebrow, “Really? You seem to do well in statistics lately—“

“No, I’m not.” Jeno vigorously shakes his head in uttermost denial, ignoring the heat crawling up his neck in embarrassment, “I need. Help. With statistics. I don’t understand a thing. On lectures.”

“Great!” The three of them halt their steps as Jaemin cheers. Jeno’s heartbeat quickens, “I do well in that. I could help you with that, Jen. So why don’t we study together? Us three?”

Renjun bounces on his feet once again, then laughs, throwing his head back as he let out a glorious laugh of excitement. He felt the other boy’s excitement too much that it almost made him cringe, “That’s a better idea. This weekend?”

Of course Renjun would always agree to whatever Jaemin has in mind. Jeno sighs.

* * *

 

Renjun holds Jeno’s hand in his everytime he and their friends went home together, which they always did. There’s no exception for today. He still holds Jeno’s hand as they walk, because that’s how Mark and Donghyuck did it too. They always held hands when they walk.

He’s holding Jeno’s hand, but the other seems to hold it tighter today. It feels heavy, Renjun thinks, so he looks up to Jeno, tuning out the conversation his friends had. Jeno looks like he’s about to cry again.

Renjun doesn’t know when he had started developing a soft spot for Jeno. It just happened. There’s always a sudden urge to comfort him and pat his back when he starts to frown. Maybe because they had grown up together, together with Jaemin and Donghyuck too.

Even so, Renjun caresses his thumb on Jeno’s heavy hand, on his knuckles, then resumed his eyes on the road.

Jaemin is watching them, Renjun meets his eyes and he almost stops his steps. He almost lets go of Jeno’s hand. The guy is smiling at him, so Renjun smiles back. He feels his heart skip a beat, and he feels like flying. Jaemin still smiled at him.

“I’ll go ahead,” he announces to everyone and waves, before turning to his own street, not without a small wave directed at Renjun.

Sometimes Renjun likes to think that Jaemin might like him back as well, but he lets go of the thought as soon as it appears in his mind. Renjun doesn’t want to get his hopes up, not even when Jeno sometimes tell him that Jaemin _does_ like him back.

He waves back, then Jeno’s hand is slipping away from his.

“You don’t look fine,” Renjun comments, catching up on Jeno, “Let’s go eat ice cream.” They’re falling behind the others, it might be easier to quietly ditch them at this point.

Jeno chuckles, not looking at Renjun, “Everytime you say that, we always get ice cream afterwards.”

“Because they say, everyone gets better after ice cream. And no one says no to ice cream!”

Renjun is pure and sweet, Jeno thinks. Maybe if only he had fallen for Renjun instead of Donghyuck. Jeno internally laughs at himself for that. Even if he did, Renjun would still like Jaemin. Maybe this was his fate, anyway.

“Let’s go.” Jeno holds Renjun’s hand again, dragging him as he backs away from their noisy crowd.

“Where?”

“Ice cream.”                                    

Their friends must have noticed them gone, but they didn’t mind. They eventually got cones, one for each. Jeno humors himself with a cone of vanilla ice cream, while Renjun got himself cookies and cream. They don’t stay at the shop though, since the sun had started setting. Instead, they eat their frozen treats in silence as they continue to walk home.

Jeno is still staring out in a distance, constantly lapping on his ice cream. Renjun starts to worry. He wonders what’s inside Jeno’s head, what kind of anxiety is keeping Jeno from his usual goofy self. His eyes seemed to be a little hazy, it challenged Renjun to read the other’s mind. Oh well, it wasn’t like Jeno was easy to read after all. He’s actually one of those people that Renjun finds vague.

After a few minutes and many steps later, Renjun finds himself getting annoyed at Jeno’s unusual demeanor. He halts his steps, startling Jeno, then turns to the other as he glances up at him. Damn, their height differences made Renjun feel mad at himself, why does everyone in his friend group have to be tall, “You’re being unusually funny.”

Jeno’s eyes crinkle and he chuckles, “I didn’t say anything funny.”

“You don’t talk at all,” Renjun whines unconsciously, “and that’s funny.” Jeno laughs again, louder this time. Renjun realizes the inaccuracy in his words, and he blushes profusely at that. He curses his inner Chinese, “I mean, weird. Weird kind of funny.”

Jeno sighs, pressing his lips together, not even bothering to continue their walk but just bites at his ice cream, “I feel completely normal, though.”

Renjun doesn’t know if Jeno was lying. Again, the boy was unreadable. But Renjun knows for sure that Jeno’s words are a little inaccurate too. He doesn’t comment on it though, not wanting their light atmosphere to drop in mere seconds.

Renjun clicks his tongue, something he usually does now ever since Jeno’s been heartbroken, and then boops Jeno’s nose with the tip of his cookies and cream treat. He giggles at Jeno, who was cross-eyed in staring at the glob of ice cream on his nose. It’s double the size than Renjun had expected, making it even funnier to him.

“What the hell, Jun!” Jeno protests, although a laugh comes past his lips after.

Renjun, still feeling proud and laughing at his antics, backs away as he prepared to dash. But he feels Jeno’s fingers wrap around his wrist before he could even move from his spot, pulling him closer before nosing on his cheek. The cold substance spreads on Renjun’s cheek and he froze, fists clenching involuntarily.

Renjun gasps a little as he felt Jeno’s lips brush on the skin of his cheek delicately, feeling the soft thrum of a giggle deep in the other’s throat. Jeno’s nose is still pressed on the side of his face, and Renjun felt how his heart started to hit his chest abnormally inside. It’s like in a sick, cliché movie because time seemed to have stopped before him and Renjun wonders for a moment.

In their years of growing up together, a lot of things had become normal to them. Things like holding each other’s hands, even cuddling. Back hugs have become part of their non-verbal way of communicating, and kisses on their cheeks are no shockers. So Renjun wonders, why does it feel so new and unusual when it had only been a brush of lips on his stained cheeks?

Time resumes when Jeno pulls away a second after, laughing at his revenge. Renjun gulps and hides his reddening face with his arms, pushing the other away, “Y-You’re gross!”

It doesn’t even register to him that his ice cream laid forgotten on the concrete, melting away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it's been a while :((((( im so sorry i was sooooo busy with personal stuff. and, as per usual, this was shit but i hoped i made it up for the late update :((((

**Author's Note:**

> here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/moominjeolmis)  
> i love making friends ;)


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